Still here. Still trying to tie up lose ends. Still in the process of packing up 6 years worth of memories before heading home for good.
Ramadhan is almost over now. The closer it is to Eid, the more I'm dreading it. Seriously. No mood at all to celebrate Eid this year. Maybe it's the weather; maybe I'm too busy trying to translate and study for the license exam and prepare for the thesis presentation; or maybe I'm just sick and tired of this place and had enough. I'm spiraling downwards and feel like there's no end to the abyss. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and upbeat, there's always, ALWAYS one thing after another that would pull me in the opposite direction. Surrounded by whiny people ain't helping either. I mean, yeah okay, we all have problems. But if you focus on the problem then you will see a problem. Instead, isn't it better to focus on what could be done to solve the problem and move on instead of complaining and complaining and complaining non-stop until your ears bleed to death listening to them repeatedly?? Urghhhhh, such a bad bad energy this place has, thank God I'm leaving soon.
I miss my adult friends; I miss having conversations that make sense; I miss the company that I'm comfortable with. No matter how hard I try to make it right, in the end the only thing that they see are the things that I did wrong. One misplaced word or sentence, one email in formal English (maybe they are not used to an email that does not use any sms lingo or maybe big words confuse them) that was kindly meant but was misinterpreted; was enough to elicit an outcry from orang-orang yang termakan cili & terasa pedasnya. I have tried to be amicable and fair and tried to do something good for all of us but it backfired. I give up. I'm done. Lantak lah korang lepas ni, apa nak jadik aku dah tak kisah. Biarkan si Luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, malas dah nak layan...
And plus, had a recent conversation with mom that went like this...
Me: Tahun ni banyak ke buat kuih raya?
Mak: Alah, kuih tunjuk2 je. Takde masa nak buat la. Ada dekat 20++ jenis rasanya, cukuplah tu..
Me: Hah banyaknya! Nape tak pos kat sini sikit? *dgn nada gurau*
Mak: Eh, ha ah ek, LUPA pulak anak mak sorang tu raya kat sana tahun ni! Memang TAK TERINGAT LANGSUNG lah yang. Sori..
Me: *aduih, sampai hati..*
Yeah, I know I am forgettable, haha...
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Dude, I am soooo sorry I commented on this really, really late. Ramadhan and Syawal was crazy and if you check my blog, I haven't been updating as much as I used to. This is all Inception's fault and my burgeoning obsession with all things Tom Hardy and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (see my LJ for proof).
You should know that in any journey, it is the last third that is the hardest, most challenging and the optimal time that you feel like throwing in the towel. I know it's hard especially when you feel alone during the festive season and have no joy. I log on to my YM quite often at night and keep hoping to see you online; if you are bored/depressed during those time and have a minute to spare for a chat, ping me, ok?
Missing adult conversation ... wow. You poor thing. I see the FB updates of some of my juniors and nieces/nephews/great niece/younger cousins and shudder. I can't read 'em. I don't understand the shorthands and lingo either. :( Am I old? Yes. Do they lack mad writing skillz? Yes, too.
My great-nephew in Japan asked for kuih raya and I broke his dreams by refusing to send him crumbs. So, yeah. You, my great-nephew = same boat. And kekadang, mak kita gurau boleh tahan agak kasar. Tu yg rasa mata berkaca dan luka di hati yang perihnya Tuhan aje yang tau.
Hang in there, sweetie and if you need anything, lemme know. DD and I are waiting for your return with great interest and we miss you so much.
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