And then when they have finally decided to jump on the marriage band wagon and thought that they are safe, the next question that would most often be asked is... "So, when are you guys gonna have children?"
Has that always been the way it is? The questions, I mean... When you're single people would be wondering when you're going to tie the knot, and when you're already married people would be wondering when you are going to have children. Yes, it is the norm to have children after you're married, but then there are couples who have decided to totally forgo the idea of having any children. The reasons? Maybe due to their careers, or maybe they just simply are not ready for it financially and emotionally. Whom are we to judge them? It's their lives, and they are the ones who should know better on how to dictate and lead their lives as they see fit.
Be as it might, I am always at loss for words whenever I encounter these so called 'concerned' individuals that are so thoughtless and insensitive by asking those questions. Especially when the couple had been trying to conceive but to no avail, and the 'kind' inquiries about children are just painful to bear. Plus being in our community, if you're still childless even after years of marriage somehow or rather the blame would be put on the wives... "Oh, she's infertile, she can't have babies...", although most often than not the husbands are also partly to be blamed. And by putting the blame on the wives inadvertently this gives the husbands a chance to marry again so that his lineage will be preserved. Hmmmm....masa ni lah baru nak pegang fatwa kitab, tapi tang bab lain hampeh. Typical, typical...
Take a friend of mine, for example. She has been married for almost 5 years now, but as yet no children of their own though not for want of trying. Life has been unbearable due to the fact that her in-laws had actually blamed her for not being able to conceive, although there is substantial proof that there is nothing wrong with her at all. So, in this case the husband should also make an effort to go and check if the problem lies with him, right? Well, being the typical M man with their male egos he refused to be checked at all and wouldn't mind that his wife bears the blame and accusations laid upon her for their childless state. I really do not envy her, and if I were in her shoes I think I would be counting the days till my sanity would leave me. But then again, I guess that is what happens when one is afraid not to be married at a certain age and in the end rushes into a marriage with a guy that one barely knows and, might I add, could barely tolerate. Just to conform to society, just so that other people would not look down at her and took pity of her wallflower status.
Such is life. Sometimes I do ponder upon its intricacies. About those who yearns to have children but not being able to, those who didn't plan to have anymore children but ended up being pregnant anyways due to a lapse in their OCP regime or faulty IUDs, and those whom are blessed with healthy perfect children but fails to give proper care and abuses their children, or worse, flushing their unwanted babies/foetuses down the toilet. Oh gosh, the last scenario really gives me the chills. And for the life of me I can't understand how people can just ignore the well-being of their children.
Children, are God's gift to oneself. They are a part of you, they carry your genes and they are your descendants. They are fragile and pure when they were first brought into this world, and it is our responsibility as adults to shape them into thoughtful, strong, kind, confident, humble human beings. Lead by example, and they would be your greatest achievement...
And for those who have nothing else better to do than stick their noses in other people's affairs, here's a kind advice: GET A LIFE.
Be as it might, I am always at loss for words whenever I encounter these so called 'concerned' individuals that are so thoughtless and insensitive by asking those questions. Especially when the couple had been trying to conceive but to no avail, and the 'kind' inquiries about children are just painful to bear. Plus being in our community, if you're still childless even after years of marriage somehow or rather the blame would be put on the wives... "Oh, she's infertile, she can't have babies...", although most often than not the husbands are also partly to be blamed. And by putting the blame on the wives inadvertently this gives the husbands a chance to marry again so that his lineage will be preserved. Hmmmm....masa ni lah baru nak pegang fatwa kitab, tapi tang bab lain hampeh. Typical, typical...
Take a friend of mine, for example. She has been married for almost 5 years now, but as yet no children of their own though not for want of trying. Life has been unbearable due to the fact that her in-laws had actually blamed her for not being able to conceive, although there is substantial proof that there is nothing wrong with her at all. So, in this case the husband should also make an effort to go and check if the problem lies with him, right? Well, being the typical M man with their male egos he refused to be checked at all and wouldn't mind that his wife bears the blame and accusations laid upon her for their childless state. I really do not envy her, and if I were in her shoes I think I would be counting the days till my sanity would leave me. But then again, I guess that is what happens when one is afraid not to be married at a certain age and in the end rushes into a marriage with a guy that one barely knows and, might I add, could barely tolerate. Just to conform to society, just so that other people would not look down at her and took pity of her wallflower status.
Such is life. Sometimes I do ponder upon its intricacies. About those who yearns to have children but not being able to, those who didn't plan to have anymore children but ended up being pregnant anyways due to a lapse in their OCP regime or faulty IUDs, and those whom are blessed with healthy perfect children but fails to give proper care and abuses their children, or worse, flushing their unwanted babies/foetuses down the toilet. Oh gosh, the last scenario really gives me the chills. And for the life of me I can't understand how people can just ignore the well-being of their children.
Children, are God's gift to oneself. They are a part of you, they carry your genes and they are your descendants. They are fragile and pure when they were first brought into this world, and it is our responsibility as adults to shape them into thoughtful, strong, kind, confident, humble human beings. Lead by example, and they would be your greatest achievement...
And for those who have nothing else better to do than stick their noses in other people's affairs, here's a kind advice: GET A LIFE.
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