The Language of Women

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish ....................................................49
Adventurous ........................................Slept with all your friends
Athletic .................................................No boobs
Average looking ...................................Ugly
Beautiful ...............................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile .................................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure .............................On medication
Feminist ...............................................Fat
Free spirit ............................................Junkie
Friendship first ...................................Former slut
Fun .......................................................Annoying
Gentle ..................................................Dull
New Age ..............................................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded .....................................Desperate
Outgoing ..............................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate ...........................................Sloppy drunk
Poet ......................................................Depressive
Professional .........................................Bitch
Romantic .............................................Frigid
Voluptuous ..........................................Very Fat
Large frame ........................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate ................................Stalker
Widow ..................................................Murderer



WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?



MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay


And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside...


hahahahaha.....no wonder they say women are complex beings!! ROFL