A Melancholic Pre-Eid Moment

Still here. Still trying to tie up lose ends. Still in the process of packing up 6 years worth of memories before heading home for good.

Ramadhan is almost over now. The closer it is to Eid, the more I'm dreading it. Seriously. No mood at all to celebrate Eid this year. Maybe it's the weather; maybe I'm too busy trying to translate and study for the license exam and prepare for the thesis presentation; or maybe I'm just sick and tired of this place and had enough. I'm spiraling downwards and feel like there's no end to the abyss. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and upbeat, there's always, ALWAYS one thing after another that would pull me in the opposite direction. Surrounded by whiny people ain't helping either. I mean, yeah okay, we all have problems. But if you focus on the problem then you will see a problem. Instead, isn't it better to focus on what could be done to solve the problem and move on instead of complaining and complaining and complaining non-stop until your ears bleed to death listening to them repeatedly?? Urghhhhh, such a bad bad energy this place has, thank God I'm leaving soon.

I miss my adult friends; I miss having conversations that make sense; I miss the company that I'm comfortable with. No matter how hard I try to make it right, in the end the only thing that they see are the things that I did wrong. One misplaced word or sentence, one email in formal English (maybe they are not used to an email that does not use any sms lingo or maybe big words confuse them) that was kindly meant but was misinterpreted; was enough to elicit an outcry from orang-orang yang termakan cili & terasa pedasnya. I have tried to be amicable and fair and tried to do something good for all of us but it backfired. I give up. I'm done. Lantak lah korang lepas ni, apa nak jadik aku dah tak kisah. Biarkan si Luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, malas dah nak layan...

And plus, had a recent conversation with mom that went like this...

Me: Tahun ni banyak ke buat kuih raya?
Mak: Alah, kuih tunjuk2 je. Takde masa nak buat la. Ada dekat 20++ jenis rasanya, cukuplah tu..
Me: Hah banyaknya! Nape tak pos kat sini sikit? *dgn nada gurau*
Mak: Eh, ha ah ek, LUPA pulak anak mak sorang tu raya kat sana tahun ni! Memang TAK TERINGAT LANGSUNG lah yang. Sori..
Me: *aduih, sampai hati..*


Yeah, I know I am forgettable, haha...

The 100th Post on New Year's Eve

Marking the new year, I realized that this is the 100th post for this blog. Whooopie!!

The arrival of 2010 was celebrated in a very quiet manner, just dinner and hanging out with close friends. Heard the fireworks outside but it was too foggy to see anything and plus it was too cold to go out anyways. So we opted to welcome the new year at my place.

I have stopped making any new year's resolutions since, ermmm forever I think, but surprisingly this year it was as if something clicked in my brain and unconsciously I began to promise myself to try doing things that I've been wanting to do and to look forward to the future instead of keep looking back at the past. It was nothing specific actually, just little little things that I know I need to change/accomplish in my life so that it would be improved for the better. Well, the aim here is to TRY, we'll see how well that'll go shall we...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

p/s: I've finally managed to sort out all my friend's request on FB that I've been neglecting because I really dunno where they all came from. Aduhai, kelakar la pulak bila ada budak baru lepas spm antar msg nak berkenalan hanya selepas tgk gambar profile tu. Dik oii, gi sambung belajor dulu lah ya...

Tick Tock

Babies make me cry nowadays.

I thought I've already passed this phase.

Huh, guess not.

It's ticking again, sigh.

Tick tock.

The Psychic Connection

Have you ever had someone calling you just when you were thinking about that person? Or people coming to see you because they suddenly felt like it when at the same time you just thought that you wanted to see them too?

How about the bad vibes; the ones where your whole being just tingles and you know deep inside that something is just gonna go wrong or something has gone wrong?

I don't know what all these feelings are and I can't really explain them, but I've been having them almost all my life. Some of the time I just disregard them because they made no sense at all, but most of the time they are right on. Confused? Yeah well I am too...

Just recently had an unexpected call from a long lost friend. Lately I've been wondering about how that person was doing and if there are any new developments in his life when BOOM! Suddenly today I got a call from him out of nowhere... And this had happened to me more times than I could remember. Not with the same person, but with other friends and family too.

But the one thing that I never want to experience again was when my father passed away. I don't know how or why, but the truth is deep in my heart I knew exactly when it happened. The dread and heaviness and emptiness inside me just got worse and the bad feeling just would not go away that up to a point I even told my friend that I knew something bad had happened and I think he's dead. Spooky? Heck yeah. There was also this one time when I was very young, my grand-aunt told me how I couldn't stop crying like as if I was spooked (macam kena sampuk she said) and at that same moment my mom was actually involved in a car accident somewhere else. Crazy huh..

And don't get me started on my dreams. As weird as they are, some actually did come true. And deja-vu? Well, it's getting worse nowadays because they are getting more and more frequent.

Is this normal? I'm sure a lot of people experienced these before. It's not a biggie, right??

I don't know, maybe these are all just coincidences. Maybe my connection with people close to me are strong. Maybe. Or maybe, I am slowly and gradually losing control of reality and losing my mind...

But don't worry, no need to get me into the straight jacket yet. I am still sane. I think. At least for now.

BULAN BARU

I am not a Twilight-er and I haven't had the chance to read the books yet. The storyline is kinda interesting although I think I much prefer the DarkHunters because of the myths and legend background that are intertwined in the storyline (and they have Acheron!).. Nonetheless I was looking forward to this film interpretation of the sequel to Twilight.

I know a lot of you guys out there are Edward's fans, but if I were Bella I think I'd have chosen Jacob over him. True, vampires are considered cool, but the wolves are waaaaay cooler (as are the WereHunters). I wish I could have one as a pet, hehe..

Edward is as Edward was. Still pale and freakishly good looking, and most of the times emotionless (but hey, he's a vampire right). Tapi yg nak carik nahas sebab nak mati kalau si Bella tu mati apa ke hal nya, hisy... I could never get the idea of off-ing yourself for the sake of love. I think that's why the Bard's Romeo & Juliet tale just doesn't make sense to me. Well, maybe I'm the one that's weird, hmmm...

I tried to give Bella a chance to redeem herself but, nope sorry, still can't say that I empathize with her. I've never liked damsels in distress and brainless careless hopeless damsels are much worse. Just like Sookie (of True Blood), she irritates the heck out of me. Sampaikan satu tahap tu heran gak apa lah si Edward & Jacob see in her, tak paham betul..

Jacob..well, gotta say he's changed. A lot. Thank goodness. Not through so many words he had managed to show his unrequited love for Bella through his actions and I really feel for him. Cian dia.. And dia sangat comel ok, I got distracted from the story because I was concentrating on his facial structure. Sigh...

All in all, the movie was ok. Although not a fan I really enjoyed it. Oh, and it did help that the wolves were smokin' hot... :))

p/s: Bila la diorang nak buat movie pasal DH pulak ni???

What Career Suits Your Personality Type?

And your result is...

INTP - The Thinker

You have a special ability to generate and analyze theories and possibilities to prove or disprove them. Your insight and creative thinking allows you to quickly understand complex abstract ideas. You also have excellent logical and rational reasoning skills which assist you in your drive to seek clarity in all areas. You will be happiest in careers that allow you a great deal of independence and autonomy where you focus on theory rather than practical applications.


Some of your personality traits include:

* Love theory and abstract ideas
* Truth Seekers - you want to understand things by analyzing underlying principles and structures
* Value knowledge and competence above all else
* Have very high standards for performance, which you apply to yourself
* Independent and original, possibly eccentric
* Work best alone, and value autonomy
* Have no desire to lead or follow
* Dislike mundane detail
* Not particularly interested in the practical application of your work
* Creative and insightful
* Future-oriented
* Usually brilliant and ingenious
* Trust your own insights and opinions above others
* Live primarily inside your own mind, and may appear to be detached and uninvolved with other people


Some of your suggested careers are:

* Scientist - especially Physics, Chemistry
* Photographer
* Strategic Planner
* Mathematician
* University Professor
* Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, Computer Animation and Computer Specialist
* Technical Writer
* Engineer
* Lawyers / Attorney
* Judge
* Forensic Research
* Forestry and Park Rangers (like seriously???)

Kuda Hitam

Malam tadi mimpi pasal Kuda Hitam ngan kumpulan musik masa skolah dulu2. Lama dah tak mimpi pasal depa, apahal ntah tiba2 je malam tadi depa muncul. Pelik pulak tu mimpi dia, hisy...

Dulu2 selalu gak mimpi pasal hal2 berkaitan ngan zaman persekolahan. Mungkin rindu nak balik balik zaman muda dulu kot, when we were young and (sort of) free. Memang dah lama tak mimpi lagi dah macam tu, except for malam tadi lah. Rindukan situasi nya ke orang nya? Hahaha, oh tidakkkkk...

Tapi kan, sejak dua menjak ni asyik dok mimpi pelik2 je. Ada tu macam citer drama pulak, siap terjaga tengah malam sebab menangis tersak-esak. Entah hape-hape entah, sabor je lah. Banyak sangat asid dalam badan ni kot, hmmmmmmmmm

I Miss.....

Our daily conversations.

The banter.

The flawless English.

The easy flowing topics & ideas.

The sense of humour & sarcasm.

The acceptance & feeling comfortable in my own skin. Even though we've only just met.


Sigh.....wonder which rock he's been hiding under.....or maybe he's migrated to Mars.

Takde nya nak feeling-feeling ni, kawan je pun. Itu pun takleh ke??
Tak faham betul lah, isy....

Google Schmoogle

I just realized (duh!) that remaining anon about oneself nowadays is impossible, thanks to Mr.GooGle and Ms.EfBee. Armed with only your name (not even your surname) and which school you go to and which year you graduated is enough to gain some quite vital information about yourself. And if you do a thorough search, you can even find photos of yourself all over the web!

Oh dem oh dem oh dem... too convenient for my taste, isk....


p/s: Thanks Mr.ZSS, thanks a lot. Now you're making me more paranoid, as if I wasn't enough already :(

Happiness=Love ?

Not necessarily I'm told.

Am I delusional? Maybe I am.

Huh, apa lah nak jadik dgn ko ni eve oiii.
Dah, bangun. Byk lagi keja ko nak buat weh.
Cukup-cukup ler tu...