"Are you ok?"

Apart from the "When are you gonna get hitched?" question, you could say that "Hey, are you alright?" is the second most dreaded question that I loath answering. I know that those who asked me this usually is concerned about my well-being, but I just hate this question because honestly, I don't really know how to answer it!

Normally people would ask me this question when they say that they felt that something is wrong and they could see that I'm bothered by it. You see, I think I'm one of those people who cannot, no matter how hard I thought I have tried, conceal my emotions and moods. Whether I want to or not, it will definitly show in my facial expressions and also my behaviour. I know I am blessed with friends and people who care about me, and I do appreciate the fact that they took the time to inquire about what's wrong with me, but sometimes, it's difficult for me to give them an honest answer because:

1. If I say that I am ok, it will be a straight-up lie! And I hate lying, no matter how trivial it might be, because in the end I will feel bad about it.

2. If I say that I am not ok, then they'll ask "What's wrong?" or "What happened?" Most of the time it's kind of difficult for me to explain why and so forth because I wouldn't be in the mood for it and plus, you know, sometimes I just don't feel like talking about it. And then I'll tell them, "Well, we'll talk about this later ok" but when later comes I wouldn't be in the spirits to talk about it anymore because talking about something that you don't like will only give it power (Hint: read The Secret)...


So, what should I do? Most of the time I would answer, "I'm ok, why do you ask?"... You see, answering a question with a question is a good diversion, I think, and most of the time it works, hehe.... But to the people whom I'm close to and care about, sometimes I do want to confide in them and tell them what is wrong, but sometimes when I think that to get to the main reason of what is the thing that is bothering me I'll have to tell them the whole big fat story from A to Z, I would just sigh and give up and tell them that don't worry, I can handle it or things will sort it out on its own soon. I've been handling and sorting out my own emotional conflicts for most of my life since I was very young without anyone to confide in, that I feel that as long these things can be settled then I'll settle it myself. Only now as I mature and grown up I'm learning to open up and share my feelings with those around me. But I am still cautious with others, because the thing about me is that I don't trust people easily, it takes time, but when I really trust someone it will be with my whole heart and I'll be loyal to them. That is why I always get hurt when I get backstabbed by people who were supposedly to be my friends but was actually being friends with me just for benefits or something else. I really hate it when that happens. I used to trust people easily, and I believed that there's good in everyone. Well, actually I still do believe that everyone has some goodness in them, but from what I've seen more and more I believe that it pays to be cautious, though I refuse to be jaded about life. Life IS beautiful, only if you strive to make it so. Whatever obstacles that you have faced in the past and are facing now will only make you a stronger and better person. I have to believe that that is true. I HAVE TO.


Wow, glad I got that off my chest. Phewwww....

Hurmmmm, the point of this entry? Not really sure, but you can blame it on the hormones though :))
It's lovely to be a female, isn't it? You can put the blame on PMS for all your emotional instabilities... *winks*