Back in the sack

HOLAAAAAAA

Yup, am still alive and kicking. Been bitten by the lazy bug, that's all. A lot has happened since my last post, but 'nuff to say that nothing much has changed though. Home is where I am now and whilst almost all my boxes have arrived safely I fear that a teeny weeny part of was left behind in that God-forsaken place. Like the last i thing I need is to mourn my freedom there. Great, that's just fine and dandy...

Am currently absconded in a small town off the beaten track somewhere up north. The town is so small that everybody knows everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY knew about EVERYTHING no matter how trivial it is. And boy, news do travel fast here. The telegraph has nothing against the gossip mongers. Don't get me wrong though; I love small towns. People are generally friendly and generous and less frigid, but when you feel that your life is like being under a microscope that's when you wish you were somewhere else. In a good way, at least it prevents from any wrongdoings, but in a bad way you can't help but fearing that if you sneeze then word will immediately get around you have the mono, sigh..

My social life is practically DOA. Oh there are/were attempts at matchmaking by concerned parties (friends,, family, mom's friends), but so far it's pathetic as ever. Except for one I supposed, we're only at the stages of getting to know each other but lo and behold, that person is gonna be moving to the east coast for work. Soon. For good. Just when am ready to give it a go God has other plans for me it suppose. Maybe it's a sign for me to just forget this whole stuff of being a pair. Yeah I know, God hates those that give up; human are created pairs; being married completes you, yada yada yada... Well of course I believe everything that they say about the subject matter, but maybe it ain't for me. You know how some people can't dance; teach. And some people can't wed; plan. Enough lah, tired redi. Might as well I focus on my career.

And speaking of work, I am absolutely loving it. I realize that there are still a lot that I need to know about but everyday I learn something new and priceless. My hope and wish that one day I would be able to pursue my dream to specialize, but as for now I am content..

1000 Oceans

The silence is deafening.

Sigh, it is what it is.

C'est la vie...

These tears I've cried.
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying;
And I would cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home,
Sail you home.
Sail you home.

I'm aware what the rules are.
But you know that I will run.
You know that I will follow you
Over Silbury Hill,
Through the solar field.
You know that I will follow you.

And if I find you
Will you still remember playing at trains,
Or does this little blue ball just fade away?

Over Silbury Hill,
Through the solar field,
You know that I will follow you.
I'm aware what the rules are,
But you know that I will run.
You know that I will follow you.

These tears I've cried.
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying.
So I will cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home,
Sail you home,
Sail you home.

-Tori Amos-

D.P.R.S.S.N.

I'm in a downward spiral, falling and falling, and couldn't seem to stop.

Seems that it is true what they say; absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And in this case, absence makes one feel sane and complete.

I need to get out. NOW.

Else I'll be back where I was before. No way. No friggin' way.

This has got to stop!

ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM......

Date Night

What do you think about going on a blind date with your mom and the matchmakers in tow?

Awkward?

Yeah you bet.

Last night was a first for me. It was actually kinda funny if it wasn't darn uncomfortable. Being match-made and meeting the person for the first time is one thing; being match-made to someone that I would have never dreamed of ever viewing as a potential date is another.

What would a guy who has everything going on with royalty decorations from two states would wanna do with a simple gal like me??

Felt so awkward and tongue-tied that I ended up being quiet throughout the whole dinner. Thank the stars for mom, she sure has the knack to cover embarrassing situations.

A glance or two, and maybe a line or two of polite conversation. That's it. Nothing more.

No matter if the matchmakers feel that we could hit it off, wouldn't put too high hopes on the outcome. Could feel it in my bones; it's just not meant to be.

Sigh, poor mommy. She'll be disappointed...

A Melancholic Pre-Eid Moment

Still here. Still trying to tie up lose ends. Still in the process of packing up 6 years worth of memories before heading home for good.

Ramadhan is almost over now. The closer it is to Eid, the more I'm dreading it. Seriously. No mood at all to celebrate Eid this year. Maybe it's the weather; maybe I'm too busy trying to translate and study for the license exam and prepare for the thesis presentation; or maybe I'm just sick and tired of this place and had enough. I'm spiraling downwards and feel like there's no end to the abyss. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and upbeat, there's always, ALWAYS one thing after another that would pull me in the opposite direction. Surrounded by whiny people ain't helping either. I mean, yeah okay, we all have problems. But if you focus on the problem then you will see a problem. Instead, isn't it better to focus on what could be done to solve the problem and move on instead of complaining and complaining and complaining non-stop until your ears bleed to death listening to them repeatedly?? Urghhhhh, such a bad bad energy this place has, thank God I'm leaving soon.

I miss my adult friends; I miss having conversations that make sense; I miss the company that I'm comfortable with. No matter how hard I try to make it right, in the end the only thing that they see are the things that I did wrong. One misplaced word or sentence, one email in formal English (maybe they are not used to an email that does not use any sms lingo or maybe big words confuse them) that was kindly meant but was misinterpreted; was enough to elicit an outcry from orang-orang yang termakan cili & terasa pedasnya. I have tried to be amicable and fair and tried to do something good for all of us but it backfired. I give up. I'm done. Lantak lah korang lepas ni, apa nak jadik aku dah tak kisah. Biarkan si Luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, malas dah nak layan...

And plus, had a recent conversation with mom that went like this...

Me: Tahun ni banyak ke buat kuih raya?
Mak: Alah, kuih tunjuk2 je. Takde masa nak buat la. Ada dekat 20++ jenis rasanya, cukuplah tu..
Me: Hah banyaknya! Nape tak pos kat sini sikit? *dgn nada gurau*
Mak: Eh, ha ah ek, LUPA pulak anak mak sorang tu raya kat sana tahun ni! Memang TAK TERINGAT LANGSUNG lah yang. Sori..
Me: *aduih, sampai hati..*


Yeah, I know I am forgettable, haha...

The 100th Post on New Year's Eve

Marking the new year, I realized that this is the 100th post for this blog. Whooopie!!

The arrival of 2010 was celebrated in a very quiet manner, just dinner and hanging out with close friends. Heard the fireworks outside but it was too foggy to see anything and plus it was too cold to go out anyways. So we opted to welcome the new year at my place.

I have stopped making any new year's resolutions since, ermmm forever I think, but surprisingly this year it was as if something clicked in my brain and unconsciously I began to promise myself to try doing things that I've been wanting to do and to look forward to the future instead of keep looking back at the past. It was nothing specific actually, just little little things that I know I need to change/accomplish in my life so that it would be improved for the better. Well, the aim here is to TRY, we'll see how well that'll go shall we...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

p/s: I've finally managed to sort out all my friend's request on FB that I've been neglecting because I really dunno where they all came from. Aduhai, kelakar la pulak bila ada budak baru lepas spm antar msg nak berkenalan hanya selepas tgk gambar profile tu. Dik oii, gi sambung belajor dulu lah ya...

Tick Tock

Babies make me cry nowadays.

I thought I've already passed this phase.

Huh, guess not.

It's ticking again, sigh.

Tick tock.

The Psychic Connection

Have you ever had someone calling you just when you were thinking about that person? Or people coming to see you because they suddenly felt like it when at the same time you just thought that you wanted to see them too?

How about the bad vibes; the ones where your whole being just tingles and you know deep inside that something is just gonna go wrong or something has gone wrong?

I don't know what all these feelings are and I can't really explain them, but I've been having them almost all my life. Some of the time I just disregard them because they made no sense at all, but most of the time they are right on. Confused? Yeah well I am too...

Just recently had an unexpected call from a long lost friend. Lately I've been wondering about how that person was doing and if there are any new developments in his life when BOOM! Suddenly today I got a call from him out of nowhere... And this had happened to me more times than I could remember. Not with the same person, but with other friends and family too.

But the one thing that I never want to experience again was when my father passed away. I don't know how or why, but the truth is deep in my heart I knew exactly when it happened. The dread and heaviness and emptiness inside me just got worse and the bad feeling just would not go away that up to a point I even told my friend that I knew something bad had happened and I think he's dead. Spooky? Heck yeah. There was also this one time when I was very young, my grand-aunt told me how I couldn't stop crying like as if I was spooked (macam kena sampuk she said) and at that same moment my mom was actually involved in a car accident somewhere else. Crazy huh..

And don't get me started on my dreams. As weird as they are, some actually did come true. And deja-vu? Well, it's getting worse nowadays because they are getting more and more frequent.

Is this normal? I'm sure a lot of people experienced these before. It's not a biggie, right??

I don't know, maybe these are all just coincidences. Maybe my connection with people close to me are strong. Maybe. Or maybe, I am slowly and gradually losing control of reality and losing my mind...

But don't worry, no need to get me into the straight jacket yet. I am still sane. I think. At least for now.

BULAN BARU

I am not a Twilight-er and I haven't had the chance to read the books yet. The storyline is kinda interesting although I think I much prefer the DarkHunters because of the myths and legend background that are intertwined in the storyline (and they have Acheron!).. Nonetheless I was looking forward to this film interpretation of the sequel to Twilight.

I know a lot of you guys out there are Edward's fans, but if I were Bella I think I'd have chosen Jacob over him. True, vampires are considered cool, but the wolves are waaaaay cooler (as are the WereHunters). I wish I could have one as a pet, hehe..

Edward is as Edward was. Still pale and freakishly good looking, and most of the times emotionless (but hey, he's a vampire right). Tapi yg nak carik nahas sebab nak mati kalau si Bella tu mati apa ke hal nya, hisy... I could never get the idea of off-ing yourself for the sake of love. I think that's why the Bard's Romeo & Juliet tale just doesn't make sense to me. Well, maybe I'm the one that's weird, hmmm...

I tried to give Bella a chance to redeem herself but, nope sorry, still can't say that I empathize with her. I've never liked damsels in distress and brainless careless hopeless damsels are much worse. Just like Sookie (of True Blood), she irritates the heck out of me. Sampaikan satu tahap tu heran gak apa lah si Edward & Jacob see in her, tak paham betul..

Jacob..well, gotta say he's changed. A lot. Thank goodness. Not through so many words he had managed to show his unrequited love for Bella through his actions and I really feel for him. Cian dia.. And dia sangat comel ok, I got distracted from the story because I was concentrating on his facial structure. Sigh...

All in all, the movie was ok. Although not a fan I really enjoyed it. Oh, and it did help that the wolves were smokin' hot... :))

p/s: Bila la diorang nak buat movie pasal DH pulak ni???

What Career Suits Your Personality Type?

And your result is...

INTP - The Thinker

You have a special ability to generate and analyze theories and possibilities to prove or disprove them. Your insight and creative thinking allows you to quickly understand complex abstract ideas. You also have excellent logical and rational reasoning skills which assist you in your drive to seek clarity in all areas. You will be happiest in careers that allow you a great deal of independence and autonomy where you focus on theory rather than practical applications.


Some of your personality traits include:

* Love theory and abstract ideas
* Truth Seekers - you want to understand things by analyzing underlying principles and structures
* Value knowledge and competence above all else
* Have very high standards for performance, which you apply to yourself
* Independent and original, possibly eccentric
* Work best alone, and value autonomy
* Have no desire to lead or follow
* Dislike mundane detail
* Not particularly interested in the practical application of your work
* Creative and insightful
* Future-oriented
* Usually brilliant and ingenious
* Trust your own insights and opinions above others
* Live primarily inside your own mind, and may appear to be detached and uninvolved with other people


Some of your suggested careers are:

* Scientist - especially Physics, Chemistry
* Photographer
* Strategic Planner
* Mathematician
* University Professor
* Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, Computer Animation and Computer Specialist
* Technical Writer
* Engineer
* Lawyers / Attorney
* Judge
* Forensic Research
* Forestry and Park Rangers (like seriously???)