Caramel Fudged-up Life

Back in the sack

2011-08-10T18:25:00.004+03:00

HOLAAAAAAA

Yup, am still alive and kicking. Been bitten by the lazy bug, that's all. A lot has happened since my last post, but 'nuff to say that nothing much has changed though. Home is where I am now and whilst almost all my boxes have arrived safely I fear that a teeny weeny part of was left behind in that God-forsaken place. Like the last i thing I need is to mourn my freedom there. Great, that's just fine and dandy...

Am currently absconded in a small town off the beaten track somewhere up north. The town is so small that everybody knows everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY knew about EVERYTHING no matter how trivial it is. And boy, news do travel fast here. The telegraph has nothing against the gossip mongers. Don't get me wrong though; I love small towns. People are generally friendly and generous and less frigid, but when you feel that your life is like being under a microscope that's when you wish you were somewhere else. In a good way, at least it prevents from any wrongdoings, but in a bad way you can't help but fearing that if you sneeze then word will immediately get around you have the mono, sigh..

My social life is practically DOA. Oh there are/were attempts at matchmaking by concerned parties (friends,, family, mom's friends), but so far it's pathetic as ever. Except for one I supposed, we're only at the stages of getting to know each other but lo and behold, that person is gonna be moving to the east coast for work. Soon. For good. Just when am ready to give it a go God has other plans for me it suppose. Maybe it's a sign for me to just forget this whole stuff of being a pair. Yeah I know, God hates those that give up; human are created pairs; being married completes you, yada yada yada... Well of course I believe everything that they say about the subject matter, but maybe it ain't for me. You know how some people can't dance; teach. And some people can't wed; plan. Enough lah, tired redi. Might as well I focus on my career.

And speaking of work, I am absolutely loving it. I realize that there are still a lot that I need to know about but everyday I learn something new and priceless. My hope and wish that one day I would be able to pursue my dream to specialize, but as for now I am content..

1000 Oceans

2011-02-28T19:07:00.003+02:00

The silence is deafening.

Sigh, it is what it is.

C'est la vie...

These tears I've cried.
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying;
And I would cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home,
Sail you home.
Sail you home.

I'm aware what the rules are.
But you know that I will run.
You know that I will follow you
Over Silbury Hill,
Through the solar field.
You know that I will follow you.

And if I find you
Will you still remember playing at trains,
Or does this little blue ball just fade away?

Over Silbury Hill,
Through the solar field,
You know that I will follow you.
I'm aware what the rules are,
But you know that I will run.
You know that I will follow you.

These tears I've cried.
I've cried a thousand oceans.
And if it seems I'm floating in the darkness
Well, I can't believe that I would keep,
Keep you from flying.
So I will cry a thousand more
If that's what it takes to sail you home,
Sail you home,
Sail you home.

-Tori Amos-

D.P.R.S.S.N.

2011-02-25T09:23:00.004+02:00

I'm in a downward spiral, falling and falling, and couldn't seem to stop.

Seems that it is true what they say; absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And in this case, absence makes one feel sane and complete.

I need to get out. NOW.

Else I'll be back where I was before. No way. No friggin' way.

This has got to stop!

ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM......

Date Night

2011-02-09T17:52:00.006+02:00

What do you think about going on a blind date with your mom and the matchmakers in tow?

Awkward?

Yeah you bet.

Last night was a first for me. It was actually kinda funny if it wasn't darn uncomfortable. Being match-made and meeting the person for the first time is one thing; being match-made to someone that I would have never dreamed of ever viewing as a potential date is another.

What would a guy who has everything going on with royalty decorations from two states would wanna do with a simple gal like me??

Felt so awkward and tongue-tied that I ended up being quiet throughout the whole dinner. Thank the stars for mom, she sure has the knack to cover embarrassing situations.

A glance or two, and maybe a line or two of polite conversation. That's it. Nothing more.

No matter if the matchmakers feel that we could hit it off, wouldn't put too high hopes on the outcome. Could feel it in my bones; it's just not meant to be.

Sigh, poor mommy. She'll be disappointed...

A Melancholic Pre-Eid Moment

2010-09-08T03:01:00.006+03:00

Still here. Still trying to tie up lose ends. Still in the process of packing up 6 years worth of memories before heading home for good.

Ramadhan is almost over now. The closer it is to Eid, the more I'm dreading it. Seriously. No mood at all to celebrate Eid this year. Maybe it's the weather; maybe I'm too busy trying to translate and study for the license exam and prepare for the thesis presentation; or maybe I'm just sick and tired of this place and had enough. I'm spiraling downwards and feel like there's no end to the abyss. No matter how hard I try to stay positive and upbeat, there's always, ALWAYS one thing after another that would pull me in the opposite direction. Surrounded by whiny people ain't helping either. I mean, yeah okay, we all have problems. But if you focus on the problem then you will see a problem. Instead, isn't it better to focus on what could be done to solve the problem and move on instead of complaining and complaining and complaining non-stop until your ears bleed to death listening to them repeatedly?? Urghhhhh, such a bad bad energy this place has, thank God I'm leaving soon.

I miss my adult friends; I miss having conversations that make sense; I miss the company that I'm comfortable with. No matter how hard I try to make it right, in the end the only thing that they see are the things that I did wrong. One misplaced word or sentence, one email in formal English (maybe they are not used to an email that does not use any sms lingo or maybe big words confuse them) that was kindly meant but was misinterpreted; was enough to elicit an outcry from orang-orang yang termakan cili & terasa pedasnya. I have tried to be amicable and fair and tried to do something good for all of us but it backfired. I give up. I'm done. Lantak lah korang lepas ni, apa nak jadik aku dah tak kisah. Biarkan si Luncai terjun dengan labu-labunya, malas dah nak layan...

And plus, had a recent conversation with mom that went like this...

Me: Tahun ni banyak ke buat kuih raya?
Mak: Alah, kuih tunjuk2 je. Takde masa nak buat la. Ada dekat 20++ jenis rasanya, cukuplah tu..
Me: Hah banyaknya! Nape tak pos kat sini sikit? *dgn nada gurau*
Mak: Eh, ha ah ek, LUPA pulak anak mak sorang tu raya kat sana tahun ni! Memang TAK TERINGAT LANGSUNG lah yang. Sori..
Me: *aduih, sampai hati..*

Yeah, I know I am forgettable, haha...

The 100th Post on New Year's Eve

2010-01-01T00:10:00.003+02:00

Marking the new year, I realized that this is the 100th post for this blog. Whooopie!!

The arrival of 2010 was celebrated in a very quiet manner, just dinner and hanging out with close friends. Heard the fireworks outside but it was too foggy to see anything and plus it was too cold to go out anyways. So we opted to welcome the new year at my place.

I have stopped making any new year's resolutions since, ermmm forever I think, but surprisingly this year it was as if something clicked in my brain and unconsciously I began to promise myself to try doing things that I've been wanting to do and to look forward to the future instead of keep looking back at the past. It was nothing specific actually, just little little things that I know I need to change/accomplish in my life so that it would be improved for the better. Well, the aim here is to TRY, we'll see how well that'll go shall we...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

p/s: I've finally managed to sort out all my friend's request on FB that I've been neglecting because I really dunno where they all came from. Aduhai, kelakar la pulak bila ada budak baru lepas spm antar msg nak berkenalan hanya selepas tgk gambar profile tu. Dik oii, gi sambung belajor dulu lah ya...

Tick Tock

2009-12-17T13:00:00.003+02:00

Babies make me cry nowadays.

I thought I've already passed this phase.

Huh, guess not.

It's ticking again, sigh.

Tick tock.

The Psychic Connection

2009-12-02T20:49:00.003+02:00

Have you ever had someone calling you just when you were thinking about that person? Or people coming to see you because they suddenly felt like it when at the same time you just thought that you wanted to see them too?

How about the bad vibes; the ones where your whole being just tingles and you know deep inside that something is just gonna go wrong or something has gone wrong?

I don't know what all these feelings are and I can't really explain them, but I've been having them almost all my life. Some of the time I just disregard them because they made no sense at all, but most of the time they are right on. Confused? Yeah well I am too...

Just recently had an unexpected call from a long lost friend. Lately I've been wondering about how that person was doing and if there are any new developments in his life when BOOM! Suddenly today I got a call from him out of nowhere... And this had happened to me more times than I could remember. Not with the same person, but with other friends and family too.

But the one thing that I never want to experience again was when my father passed away. I don't know how or why, but the truth is deep in my heart I knew exactly when it happened. The dread and heaviness and emptiness inside me just got worse and the bad feeling just would not go away that up to a point I even told my friend that I knew something bad had happened and I think he's dead. Spooky? Heck yeah. There was also this one time when I was very young, my grand-aunt told me how I couldn't stop crying like as if I was spooked (macam kena sampuk she said) and at that same moment my mom was actually involved in a car accident somewhere else. Crazy huh..

And don't get me started on my dreams. As weird as they are, some actually did come true. And deja-vu? Well, it's getting worse nowadays because they are getting more and more frequent.

Is this normal? I'm sure a lot of people experienced these before. It's not a biggie, right??

I don't know, maybe these are all just coincidences. Maybe my connection with people close to me are strong. Maybe. Or maybe, I am slowly and gradually losing control of reality and losing my mind...

But don't worry, no need to get me into the straight jacket yet. I am still sane. I think. At least for now.

BULAN BARU

2009-12-01T23:00:00.004+02:00

I am not a Twilight-er and I haven't had the chance to read the books yet. The storyline is kinda interesting although I think I much prefer the DarkHunters because of the myths and legend background that are intertwined in the storyline (and they have Acheron!).. Nonetheless I was looking forward to this film interpretation of the sequel to Twilight.

I know a lot of you guys out there are Edward's fans, but if I were Bella I think I'd have chosen Jacob over him. True, vampires are considered cool, but the wolves are waaaaay cooler (as are the WereHunters). I wish I could have one as a pet, hehe..

Edward is as Edward was. Still pale and freakishly good looking, and most of the times emotionless (but hey, he's a vampire right). Tapi yg nak carik nahas sebab nak mati kalau si Bella tu mati apa ke hal nya, hisy... I could never get the idea of off-ing yourself for the sake of love. I think that's why the Bard's Romeo & Juliet tale just doesn't make sense to me. Well, maybe I'm the one that's weird, hmmm...

I tried to give Bella a chance to redeem herself but, nope sorry, still can't say that I empathize with her. I've never liked damsels in distress and brainless careless hopeless damsels are much worse. Just like Sookie (of True Blood), she irritates the heck out of me. Sampaikan satu tahap tu heran gak apa lah si Edward & Jacob see in her, tak paham betul..

Jacob..well, gotta say he's changed. A lot. Thank goodness. Not through so many words he had managed to show his unrequited love for Bella through his actions and I really feel for him. Cian dia.. And dia sangat comel ok, I got distracted from the story because I was concentrating on his facial structure. Sigh...

All in all, the movie was ok. Although not a fan I really enjoyed it. Oh, and it did help that the wolves were smokin' hot... :))

p/s: Bila la diorang nak buat movie pasal DH pulak ni???

What Career Suits Your Personality Type?

2009-11-25T22:21:00.004+02:00

And your result is...

INTP - The Thinker

You have a special ability to generate and analyze theories and possibilities to prove or disprove them. Your insight and creative thinking allows you to quickly understand complex abstract ideas. You also have excellent logical and rational reasoning skills which assist you in your drive to seek clarity in all areas. You will be happiest in careers that allow you a great deal of independence and autonomy where you focus on theory rather than practical applications.

Some of your personality traits include:

* Love theory and abstract ideas
* Truth Seekers - you want to understand things by analyzing underlying principles and structures
* Value knowledge and competence above all else
* Have very high standards for performance, which you apply to yourself
* Independent and original, possibly eccentric
* Work best alone, and value autonomy
* Have no desire to lead or follow
* Dislike mundane detail
* Not particularly interested in the practical application of your work
* Creative and insightful
* Future-oriented
* Usually brilliant and ingenious
* Trust your own insights and opinions above others
* Live primarily inside your own mind, and may appear to be detached and uninvolved with other people

Some of your suggested careers are:

* Scientist - especially Physics, Chemistry
* Photographer
* Strategic Planner
* Mathematician
* University Professor
* Computer Programmer, Systems Analyst, Computer Animation and Computer Specialist
* Technical Writer
* Engineer
* Lawyers / Attorney
* Judge
* Forensic Research
* Forestry and Park Rangers (like seriously???)

Kuda Hitam

2009-11-14T14:07:00.003+02:00

Malam tadi mimpi pasal Kuda Hitam ngan kumpulan musik masa skolah dulu2. Lama dah tak mimpi pasal depa, apahal ntah tiba2 je malam tadi depa muncul. Pelik pulak tu mimpi dia, hisy...

Dulu2 selalu gak mimpi pasal hal2 berkaitan ngan zaman persekolahan. Mungkin rindu nak balik balik zaman muda dulu kot, when we were young and (sort of) free. Memang dah lama tak mimpi lagi dah macam tu, except for malam tadi lah. Rindukan situasi nya ke orang nya? Hahaha, oh tidakkkkk...

Tapi kan, sejak dua menjak ni asyik dok mimpi pelik2 je. Ada tu macam citer drama pulak, siap terjaga tengah malam sebab menangis tersak-esak. Entah hape-hape entah, sabor je lah. Banyak sangat asid dalam badan ni kot, hmmmmmmmmm

I Miss.....

2009-11-07T19:52:00.006+02:00

Our daily conversations.

The banter.

The flawless English.

The easy flowing topics & ideas.

The sense of humour & sarcasm.

The acceptance & feeling comfortable in my own skin. Even though we've only just met.

Sigh.....wonder which rock he's been hiding under.....or maybe he's migrated to Mars.

Takde nya nak feeling-feeling ni, kawan je pun. Itu pun takleh ke??
Tak faham betul lah, isy....

Google Schmoogle

2009-10-26T00:06:00.004+02:00

I just realized (duh!) that remaining anon about oneself nowadays is impossible, thanks to Mr.GooGle and Ms.EfBee. Armed with only your name (not even your surname) and which school you go to and which year you graduated is enough to gain some quite vital information about yourself. And if you do a thorough search, you can even find photos of yourself all over the web!

Oh dem oh dem oh dem... too convenient for my taste, isk....

p/s: Thanks Mr.ZSS, thanks a lot. Now you're making me more paranoid, as if I wasn't enough already :(

Happiness=Love ?

2009-10-19T00:01:00.005+03:00

Not necessarily I'm told.

Am I delusional? Maybe I am.

Huh, apa lah nak jadik dgn ko ni eve oiii.
Dah, bangun. Byk lagi keja ko nak buat weh.
Cukup-cukup ler tu...

Ooooopsssss I Did It Again!

2009-09-28T21:02:00.002+03:00

OH MAN!! I did it again! I vowed never again but it still had happened. Darn it heart! I told you not to!! But luckily I still have my wits about me this time, luckily I know what I need to do now.

So I have stopped. Feeling, hoping, wondering, wanting. Everything. I've got to. No way this is going anywhere. No way I'm gonna do anything about it eventhough I know it's mutual. Just NO FRIGGIN' WAY. Enough. No more.

Principles and rules are there for a reason. To prevent complications, deviations & destruction. And so I am sticking with mine, no matter if it would cost me. I still have tons of stuff to do and a long way still before I would achieve my goals.

Too young, Too married, Too gay.

Sigh, so what's the point? I give up.

Home is where the heart is

2009-08-03T22:44:00.007+03:00

Since I've been home, this is the only time that I actually have time to surf the net leisurely; before this it always in a rush and on the go. Yeah, that busy I was, but no complaints though, I am treasuring every second of my time here. A lotta lotta things have happened, and they all happened so suddenly time flew so fast that I didn't realise that I'm almost home for 2++ weeks now.

What I've been up to? Well, the usual; attending trainings, weddings, family gatherings, outings with old friends, meeting and making new friends, chauffeur-ing, nanny-ing, etc etc... my time hasn't been my own since I've been back. And I am predicting after this things are gonna be more hectic and crazier.

On top of that, I am falling sick! The worn out body and humid hot dusty weather combo is disasterous I tell ya. My cough has been getting worse and I've lost my voice courtesy of severe chesty hacking night and day. Plus runny nose plus slight fever. Am currently medicating myself and hoping that it'll all go away soon.... Sigh, what I wouldn't give for a couple of days of rest doing absolutely anything..... :(

There are still a couple of things that I wanted to do that i haven't got around to doing. See lah how it goes, hopefully I'll have time before I leave.

Oh did I mention that my beloved cousin got married? Yeah, the cousin whom I am really close to since we were small is now somebody's wife, finally. i am really really happy for her, seeing her happy makes me happy too. I think the wedding deserves its own post, so I better save all the juicy details for next time ok.

Last week there was also another surprising news from a beloved friend. It was really unexpected, but seeing her happy and glowing makes me happy too. And I am still waiting for some news from a faraway friend, but I sincerely hope that it'll be a good one. All of these ladies are very dear to me, and they deserve the best that life has to offer in terms of love and it's enough that I share their joy and wish them all the happiness in the world.

As for me, even though I've been getting quite a lotta inquiries about my bachelorhood these past few days, it didn't bother me as much as I would have expected. Maybe I'm already immune to it although I've run out of plausible excuses, or maybe I've come to a point in my life where I just done care anymore about whether or not marriage will be in my future. For now I have one thing and one thing only to focus on; finish up my studies, sit for the entrance exam, practice my skills, specialize and stand on my two feet up to a level that I could support my family if it's warranted. Ultimately that's what I want, and that's what i am going to focus on. No point sitting around moping about the state of bachelorhood, it is better to channel all the energy towards something more productive, yes?

Oh, and if before this I get irritated when others try to be matchmakers, nowadays I am merely amused when my mom or aunts or mom's friends try their luck. Sukahati lah belalang, asalkan diorang bahagia... ;p

NB: Tempting nya bila tgk Deghoyan, Sape nak belanja makan sushi ni???

@%$#%?!!

2009-07-09T15:45:00.006+03:00

Angry, sad, disappointed, choked up, insanely worried, irritated, disgusted, feels like bashing some peoples' heads against the wall...

With all of these emotions running through yours truly it's no wonder the throat is sore from pent-up and suppressed anger+sadness.

It's nothing unexpected actually. Being betrayed and getting screwed by selfish bastards and assholes should just be another day in my life since I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots save for a (very) few good souls. But I don't seem to have the ability to not care enough about their selfishness. Seriously, I really don't care what they wanna do with their lives & their money, but when their action affected and caused us by-the-book & studying ones major problems for the exam, that's where I draw the line.

And as for these superficial, shallow, friends-with-benefits type of relationships? I HATE THEM. You're either a friend or you're not. And no true FRIEND would ever just use and come running to you only when they needed something from you. Calling only when no one else could put up with your childish crap? Acknowledging my existence only when you need my notes?? Well, you know what; take your shitty attitude elsewhere and leave me alone. I have no time for selfish bimbos and bastards. But if you still insist on doing what you are doing, then be prepared to face my wrath. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

NB: Fuhhhh!! That was a relief. Retail therapy helped a bit, but venting helped more. It's unlikely that you idiots will read this, but if you do then too bad. For you. Like I care anymore. Hah.

Affair of the Day

2009-07-02T05:49:00.006+03:00

Found this out of boredom and I just couldn't resist posting it here...

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One cent?" the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel??" exclaimed the man.

"Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down
here."

:))

In "Crush"ed Mode

2009-06-22T22:06:00.007+03:00

Sigh, yeah I guess I am. Again. Crushed by a crush... ^_^

It's been a very long time since I've had any crush-es. This time I was quite the slow to realize it, but it suddenly became apparent to me when I was looking forward to go to class each morning. I am sooo not a morning person, but for the past few weeks morning rounds have never been more interesting, ngeee...

But before you say anything Ms.Snuze, nope, I am definitely NOT in love. Maybe never again. This is just a minor fleeting "crush" of a feeling. Just something to keep me going day to day. My Energizer batteries, so to speak.

Why him? Well, definitely the brains factor. And plus, Nerdy+Gym buff=Agak2 hawt la jugak, HAHA...

But, all good things must come to an end. No more rounds with him anymore, bummer. Although, he did make our last encounter a memorable one for me... *grinning like an idiot*

Sah. I got an itch that can't be scratched. Heheh.

n.b. There are rumors saying that he's batting for the other team. Sigh, just my luck... :(

Furious Fingers

2009-06-11T17:24:00.001+03:00

Guess what?

44 words
Typingtest

Yeah I know, I'm a slow typer (got ah such a word??)

Mana nak tengok skrin lagi, keyboard lagi...check spelling lagi..... huhu.....

New resolution: To learn to type as fast as I could!!

Three Graduates & A Bride

2009-06-10T17:43:00.004+03:00

Last Sunday was a verrry busy day. There was a graduation ceremony for the girls and a wedding of a friend. I was practically running around for both occasions, but in the end I'm glad that I did it although my feet were killing me by the end of the day.

The Wedding
Remember when I wrote about my friend, Ms.MCL's proposal during class? Well, they finally have all their papers in order and decided to register their marriage here legally. As she is of Romanian-American parentage and he is an Israelian, there were a lot of paperwork to get sorted out. But after all the hassle and running around, finally they were declared husband and wife on May 31, 2009 at the wedding registration place in town.

It was a really sweet occasion. Because it was all kinda last minute, they decided to forgo the pomp and frills and invited only close friends and family to the ceremony. I was deeply touched and honoured that she would include me in it and plus this would certainly be my first.

The ceremony itself was simple, short and sweet; practically hassle free and it took less than 30 minutes. The bride was really beautiful and glowing; she couldn't stop grinning all through it all, and I am really happy for them. As I said it was my first time in a Romanian-style wedding and was delighted to join in with the newlyweds-walking-under-flower-bouquets and rice-throwing thingy because before this we only got to watch how it was done from afar whenever we passed by this place while there was a wedding there.

It was a really really lovely affair, simple and sweet. No hassle no fuss. No frowns, only smiles all around. I wish I could have joined them after that when they went to Ciric to celebrate but I wanted to run back to the graduation ceremony before it's over. And so after giving her the flowers and gift I left the happy couple to join my friends in CUG.

The Graduation Ceremony
Got up early, got ready, and accompanied the soon-to-be grads to the university (5 minutes walk from our place) for a pre-graduation group photo taking session. After that we straightaway went to the Centrul de Providenta in CUG where the ceremony was to take place (which was very very far, according to Iasi's standard lah) and waited for things to get started. As I had a wedding to attend to at noon I had to leave and later on joined them again after the wedding.

It was nice to see all of them happy and excited and seeing some juniors coming to show their support, but I was quite bummed coz didn't get to watch them actually walk onstage, receiving their scrolls and reciting the Hippocratic Oath. Rugi gila lah, tapi takde rezeki nak wat camno... Eventhough people keep saying that our turn will only be next year, it's kinda hard for me to believe it coz it really felt like only yesterday that I had set foot in Iasi. Will I be ready to don the robe and cap and be a good physician in the future? Scary thought. Sigh, time flies so fast eh.....

I gave the girls white roses as a token of our (crazy) friendship which I had pre-ordered a day before and had asked the boys to pick 'em up for me and gave it to them because I wasn't sure if I could make it after the wedding. And after that we were just chilling out at the sistas place. Good times indeed, they were my travel buddies and also my partners in crime; I'll surely miss them when they've gone back home for good. Sigh, there'll be no more Gummu Girls escapades after this.....

Oh, and I am really glad that I came back to the graduation place. Surprise surprise, I got to meet a friend who was with us for the first 3 years but had transferred to Bucharest in our 4th year. He told me before that he had exams the day before and couldn't come, so imagine my surprise when I saw him there. And apparently most of my classmates were there too, but only managed to meet some of them because they left early.

Wonder how our graduation ceremony is gonna be like? Compared to my first convocation several years ago in UM which was a very formal affair (DYTM Raja Dr. Nazrin Shah yg bagi scroll tu tau) the ceremony here is, I would say, semi-formal. Takde org kenamaan, cuma org2 besar & yg penting drpd uni kitorang je. Which is a good thing I think. Less hoopla, but a bit dragging also lah. Tak kisah la belalang, asal jangan tergolek doq masa kat atas stage tu nanti udah ler. Isy, malu giler tak terkata gamaknya.....

So, to the new bride and the new MD graduates:

CONGRATULATIONS!!

Update: Was asked to stand in line for the bouquet-throwing thingy, but the bouquet flew into the hands of Ms.MCL's bestfren. Fuhhh, nasib baik... :))

Miss Austen says...

2009-06-10T17:37:00.005+03:00

"If any one faculty of our nature may be called more wonderful than the rest, I do think it is memory. There seems something more speakingly incomprehensible in the powers, the failures, the inequalities of memory, than in any other of our intelligences. The memory is sometimes so retentive, so serviceable, so obedient; at others, so bewildered and so weak; and at others again, so tyrannic, so beyond control! We are, to be sure, a miracle every way; but our powers of recollecting and of forgetting do seem peculiarly past finding out."

-Jane Austen-

Very eloquently said, Jane!

Besday

2009-06-05T00:05:00.001+03:00

Happy Birthday to .....

Well, you know who you are.

If you don't, then you should.

If this doesn't make sense, well, everything about you didn't. Hah.

Man, I am so over it.

MEN

2009-06-01T20:20:00.000+03:00

Could never understand them.

Have been baffled by them, and would continuously be baffled by them.

Can't live with them, and can't live without them. Errrrrrrr...Yeah. Right.

And they say that women are complex beings.

Pffffftttt.....

Girls Day Out

2009-05-23T00:22:00.007+03:00

As today was a beautiful sunny (albeit a little warm) day I went and accompanied my roomie to the nearby mall and market. She bought a pair of sandals, and some stuff for baking. I ended up buying a variety of vegetables from the market coz I was dyiiiiing for some. Now I can have rice and lauk-pauk after almost 2 weeks not eating it, been surviving on bread, eggs and instant noodles je, sigh...

Oh yes, guess what Ms.Snuze, the strawberry season is here again! YAY!!
Both my roomie and I could hardly contain our excitement to see those juicy red heavenly aphrodisiacs that each of us ended up buying 1kg of them succulent berries at RM7 per kg! Murah gila, kan?? For sure mine will be finished by this weekend, muahaha... :D

Later in the afternoon I went out again. After yesterday's mental purging (yeah right) for the Tropical Infectious Diseases exam and the cancellation of Neurosurgery class today (because the prof was in a major surgery rewiring a guy's brain), we (G, Mnl & moi) decided to go to the other mall and celebrate the start of the weekend with a l'il bit of window shopping and makan-makan.

We walked and walked and walked around the mall; me KIV-ing some stuff while they bought some nice tops; sat down at the foodcourt and talked and talked and talked, had a mini self make-up session at the make-up counter and without us realizing it the time was already 10pm!! Gila lama lepak kat sana, kul 4 ptg sampai 10 mlm tu! Isy, isy, isy anak dara 3 ekor ni, apa lah yg korang buat kat sana lama2 ah???

All in all, although it was tiring and my feet is aching, I really had a great time. Being in the company of like-minded people sure makes my day.

Me is content.

The Moroccan Dream

2009-05-23T00:20:00.003+03:00

One of my classmates is from Tangier, Morocco, born & bred. She's actually a Berber, and can speak several languages (jeles nya!). Eversince I've known her for 5 years now we have talked about lots of things, especially about our cultures, our homes and our families.

You see, I am an explorer at heart. I love getting to know about all these different cultures and their way of life, especially one that is so foreign from my own. I told her that one of my dreams is to go there for a visit, so that I can see the culture with my very own eyes and experience it, sample their cuisines while breathing the Moroccan air.
Sigh, that would be so lovely, wouldn't it?

Btw, I already have a standing invitation to go there. Tempat tinggal makan minum tak payah nak pikir dah, cuma kena beli sendiri tiket kapalterbang nakgi sana je. Bestnya kalau leh pegi.....

Disclaimer: All the piccas above are not mine. Click at the images to go to the original sites. Thank you.

Ahoy! Crazy Week Ahead!

2009-05-17T05:05:00.000+03:00

Day 1:
Paediatrics morning ward rounds, Paediatrics Surgery lecture, Ophthalmology lecture

Day 2:
Paediatrics morning ward rounds & lecture, Ophthalmology lab

Day 3:
Paediatrics morning ward rounds, Neurology lecture & lab

Day 4:
Paediatrics morning ward rounds & lecture, Tropical Medicine EXAM!

Day 5:
Neurosurgery lecture & lab, On-call session

Oh well, looks like there'll be no time for blogging this week I think. But then again, one can never halt the creative process once it has been set into motion, da?
One thing for sure though, I have a biiiig feeling that I'll be a walking zombie by the end of the week because we might also be joining the other groups for their on-call session on day 1 and 3. And there is also a case presentation to prepare, plus have to do some running around to settle some uni related matters.

HELLLLLLLLP!!!

*falls unconscious on the floor like a lump of log due to severe hypoxia from excessive hyperventilation induced by an acute panic attack*

"What do you mean you cannot drink milk??"

2009-05-15T00:00:00.003+03:00

"It's because I have Lactose Intoler ance (LI), ok? "

I got asked this a lot. And when I told them why, they automatically assume that I don't drink milk. Actually, it doesn't mean that I cannot take milk at all, in fact I love dairies, but consuming milk or any type of dairy products will eventually cause bloating, flatulence, abdominal cramps, and last but not least, acute diarrhea that could lead to dehydration if proper countermeasures are not taken.

Why me??
Well, thanks to the 1/8 chinese, and the remaining jawa part of me = Genetic predisposition, of course. And plus milk-drinking is never really a Malay culture, isn't it?

When will I have the symptoms??
Whenever I have appeased my cravings for something dairy i.e. milk, yoghurt, cheese, ice-cream.....YUMMM!!

How come??
Basically, we lack the enzyme lactase that breaks down lactose, a form of sugar found in milk & other dairy products. Lactose is a big-moleculed sugar and cannot be absorbed by the small intestinal (ileum) walls.
Therefore;
No lactase --> Lactose passes intact from ileum to colon --> Fermentation of lactose by the normal intestinal bacteria --> Production of a lot of gasses --------> Bloating, Flatulence, Cramps + Diarrhea (by lactose that attracts water into colon)

What to do??
Avoid dairy products (unless they are lactose-free), oral rehydration salt, water, water, water, water, water... + Oral enzyme substitution (never tried this before coz can't seem to get my hands on it yet)

Where??
Check out the prevalence of LI in the world population:

If you are still clueless and don't know what I'm talking about, go watch White Chicks the movie. Pay attention to what happens to one of the agents when he ate cheese. Oh yeah, I soooo know the feeling. Been there done that, sigh....

IMHO, being lactose intolerant really suck, big time. Especially for a person who loooooves dairy and can't live without them, like moi. And yeah, different individuals have different levels and degrees of intolerance. But 'lucky' me, I got stuck with the one-glass-of-milk-will-make-you-have-diarrhea-the-whole-night type of LI. And imagine what would happen if I'd have 1 glass milk+1 slice cheese+1 stick ice-cream, in 1 day. Berkampung kat dalam bilik air ler jawabnya...

A lactose intolerant gal who loves lactose-full dairies. What a bummer, ain't it?

You know you're already past your expiry date...

2009-05-10T04:47:00.008+03:00

- when all your friends your age that you've recently met up in FB again after many years are married with at least 2 kids in school

- when the first question that they will ask you after 10 years is "Are you married?" instead of "How are you?"

- when you get together with your school friends and all they talk about is babies

- when you found yourself surrounded by guys way younger than you and see you only as an older sister, and most of them are already in a stable relationship

- when your friends try their level best to hook you up with their single guy friends (who are still way younger than you by the way)

- when your family tries to find for you a 'maplei'

- when married ladies start to give you the 'evil eye' even though all you did was having a decent conversation with their husbands (because you're a 'threat' it seems)

- when the once biological clock that had been ticking so loudly has now suddenly fall silent

- when concerned relatives stop asking you the "When is it gonna be your turn, my dear?" question at family gatherings (because they know that you're a hopeless case)

- when your most favourite sentence is either: "If it's meant to be then it's meant to be, if it's not, then what to do...", or, "I gave up already lah. Malas wanna think about it anymore..."

If you answer "Yes" to any of the questions above, then it is my utmost pleasure to inform you that you have definitely gone way past the expiration date and it is only time before you're being removed from the shelf permanently. Better be ready for the inevitable, folks.

**Pardon my cuckoo-ness. I think I'm just worn out. Better go lie down now. Tootles**

Unproductive

2009-05-07T21:05:00.004+03:00

Woke up early, got ready, took the tram and arrived on time for morning class. Waited and waited for the others to come, but they were late. Therefore, teacher said, "Sorry but you guys were very late, and so I put you absent except for the two of you who came earlier. See you next week then ok..."

Since it was too frickin' early too go home and do nothing while waiting for the next afternoon class, decided to join the others and went to the mall (which is just 10 minutes away on foot) from the Paediatrics Hospital. Had brunch, walked around a bit until 1pm and then went straight to the Infectious Disease hospital for class.

Came in, she talked about Leprosy and TB for like 1 hour, and then class was over. Hisy, itu aje? Nothing else?? Sabar je lah...

Went back home, and took a nap coz got a major headache. And woke up with a massive headache instead. Hmmmmm...I think it's time for the migraine meds.....

Sigh, what an unproductive day.....

NB: Tomorrow we might have neurosurgery. Maybe yes maybe no, nobody is sure. But I'm still gonna go nonetheless, just in case you know. And I'll also be doing garda with our paeds surgery lecturer tomorrow. Went last time with him and it was fun (had the chance to enter the OT and watched 3 surgeries, cool eh). And so that's how I will spend my friday night, sometimes the weekends too. Sigh, no wonder I have no social life here...

(garda = on-call)

Just Another Rambling

2009-05-04T16:41:00.009+03:00

I am a fairly patient person. But when my own integrity is being questioned, hell yeah I won't tolerate that. I have a quick temper yes, but over the years I've learned to tone it down and try to think first before reacting with either words or actions. Because, if and when I do lose my temper and let my tongue loose, the person at the receiving end would probably have singed ears and wishes that he/she is deaf instead. Therefore, my silence reflects the level of my wrath. You have been warned...

They say I'm a loner. Well, maybe I am in a way. I don't do well in large groups, I've lots of acquaintances but only a handful of friends that I trust and am comfortable with. No point 'collecting' friends just to be popular but ended up not trusting any of them. And I love the few close friends that I have, they gave me comfort and kept me sane all through these years. Better than any depression meds any day. Quality is definitely better than quantity, no?

Some say I'm weird in the sense that I enjoy my own company. Well, I truly do. Going out and hanging out in some noisy pub/eatery is nothing compared to a good book/movie with some soothing music on and chilling at home. Maybe it's the age thing. You see, I have gone through the phase of hanging out with a bunch of friends all day everyday when I was younger. Now as I get older, solace is what I crave. Silence IS golden. And no more wild parties, please. Once in a while I don't mind it, but not all the time. Old already, no more energy, huh...

They say that I am open minded. Yes I am. I don't bother other people and their choices, so why should they be bothered with mine? I don't like to preach and force my opinions on others because I don't like people to do that to me. Unless you're related to me and your actions will eventually affect me, please keep your nosy noses out of my life. But, my open-mindedness does have its limits of course. If you want to drink, smoke, copulate, do as you wish with your body, it's your choice, but don't expect me to follow suit. Yes, I do have an open mind, but that doesn't mean that I would open my legs for anyone too. HELL NO. I am not all that pious, but religion is important to me and I believe that there is only one powerful, knowing and forgiving GOD. The hijab kept me from doing things that I shouldn't be doing, and I'm thankful for that. Hence, I don't do things that I don't feel comfortable doing, and no one can force me to do anything that I don't want to. I am myself, rigid principles all. Deal with it.

Phew! Glad I got that out of my chest. Like I said, it's just another rambling... ^_^

BURN

2009-04-30T21:36:00.003+03:00

Do you wanna be a poet and write
Do you wanna be an actor up in lights
Do you wanna be a soldier and fight for love
Do you wanna travel the world
Do you wanna be a diver for pearls
Or climb a mountain and touch the clouds above
Be anyone you want to be
Bring to life your fantasies
But I want something in return
I want you to burn burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn
Burn for me
Burn for me
Are you gonna be a gambler and deal
Are you gonna be a doctor and heal
Or go to heaven and touch God's face
Are you gonna be a dreamer who sleeps
Are you gonna be a sinner who weeps
Or an angel
Under grace
Ill lay down on your bed of coals
Offer up my heart and soul
But in return
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
Ooh
I want you to burn baby ooh
Laugh for me
Cry for me
Pray for me
Lie for me
Live for me
Die for me
I want you to burn
Burn for me baby
Like a candle in my night
Oh burn burn for me burn for me
Yeah
Ah yeah
I want you to burn
I want you to burn for me baby
Ohh yeah

On Bended Knees

2009-04-17T05:28:00.003+03:00

Today was a day of proposals. Why?

1. In real-time:
My dear friend and classmate, Ms.MCL is now engaged! And it all happened in Ophthalmology lab just now. Her bf (now fiance) actually got down on one knee, told her that she was the only woman that he wants to spend his life with, and asked her if she would do him the honour of being his wife! It was a lovely and sweet surprise; I knew I was gaping throughout and our lecturer (and some of the strapping macho guys in the class, heheh) were moved to tears. It was kinda like one of those Hallmark moments, because the love that they had for each other really shone so bright that it was almost blinding. But the best part of it is that I've actually had the chance of watching something like that with my very own eyes and not only on TV. How cool is that! I am really happy for her, and wish nothing but the best for both of them.

Congrats my dear MCL! May your lives together will be full of love, joy & laughter forever and ever...

2. On reel-time
This was about something on the House tv show. Yeah, I'm fan, and have been faithfully following each and every episode without fail. I really love the show, but needless to say after the shocking (to me at least) twist in the previous episode (S5 Ep20) regarding the untimely and rather gruesome and tragic passing of one of my favourite characters, Kutner (he was supposedly to have shot himself due to unexplained reasons), I did not expect that the writers would come up with another surprise in the show in S5 Ep.21 when Chase got down on his knees and proposed to Allison! And this I watched on the telly just a few hours after the real-time proposal in class! Seems like spring and wedding bells are in the air.....

So, the conclusion is:
"Love is in the air, everywhere we look around...."

p/s: Am trying to compile plausible answers for one of the most dreaded questions that will defintely be thrown at me during my cousin's wedding party this summer. Ideas anyone??

Life, or I Think Something Like It

2009-04-06T20:37:00.008+03:00

Things are good here, alhamdulillah. Of course, there are still a couple of unresolved issues with some thick-headed individuals that claim to be my friends but clearly don't know how to be one. But other than that, I have to say that things are really good.

Really really glad to be in my group this year. Actually, the school secretary messed up our names and so we ended up being in different groups compared from last years. But I have no complains, because so far I am satisfied with the lot that are in my group. And the fact that our group was assigned to the pediatrics cardiology clinic whereas the others were assigned to the pediatrics nephrology clinic has made some of the other peeps envy us just because we learn more in the department compared to them. Well, boohoo. We're all grown-ups, and we make our own choices and pave our own destiny. Eventhough we had rounds everyday, we still go for on-calls with the residents and attendings there because we wanted to learn more. So don't go blaming other people not teaching you enough when all you wanna do is rest on your laurels and whine. Be proactive, for goodness' sake. Ceh....

I am now the official counselor for Teddy, heheh... (Hey, dia yg nak mengadu dumba, I dengar je lah. I good friend what)... Started eversince he hooked up with his (ex)-gf and now till they broke up. I myself didn't realize it (if not for my roomie pointing it out) but almost every Friday we'll have our sessions via my Samsung. Life's a bitch, but I gotta say some gals are bitchier. Well, there's nothing else to do but to write it off as one of life's sweet yet painful experiences, right? And love makes you do many stupid things no matter how sane you think you are. How do I know this? Mind you I don't think I've ever really been in love, but close to it, yeah. And even being close to falling in love could make you go crazy, imagine if it's the real thing. Urghhhh, scary siot....

Patch and Kruger have been real sweet these days. Apahal ntah mamat dua ekor tuh semenjak dua menjak ni. Si Mummy pulak makin pelik. Hmmphhhh, sukati lah belalang.....

Brains vs. Brawns

2009-04-06T20:07:00.004+03:00

For me personally there's no doubt about it; brains win hands down. A stimulating conversation is more of a turn-on than muscle flexing. There is nothing more sexier than a guy who has it all up there and kept it all together. Yummmm....

The ultimate drool factor in this category would be 'Cyrus the Virus' character in Con Air played by John Malkovich. Yeah I know he's just a fictional character, but so far most non-fictional flesh and blood mortals fall real short and ain't nowhere near the likes of him. Sigh, this is what happens when you've set your standards that high.....

And on another note, I have never been a fan of Rufus Sewell, but after watching him as Dr. Jacob Hood in the Eleventh Hour.....oh my oh my oh my oh my..... *pengsan*

Foreign vs. Local

2009-03-30T04:02:00.004+03:00

If this is really gonna be implemented soon, then is it really worth it for me to go back and serve my country when they don't really need local docs anymore?

Maybe I should explore other options.

Maybe change is good.

Maybe it's a sign.

Just wondering, that's all......

Flu-ish Weather

2009-03-26T14:56:00.001+02:00

Demam
Selsema
Sakit kepala
Sakit badan

The weather is driving me up the wall! Surrounded by sneezy+coughy+feverish people ain't helping either. Barely recovering from last week's bout of stomach flu, now this. Sigh.....

It snowed yesterday. Came with winds and thunder all. Just when you thought that spring is finally here, then suddenly snowflakes started falling down from the sky. Was practically covered all white on my way back from class. It was cold, but thank God the temp was above 0 degrees, else I think my body temp will sharply incline making me tres tres sick again. But thankfully all the medication and fluids worked, and only remnants of a mild stuffed/runny nose is present.

Sudah-sudah lah tu, penat la sakit lama-lama nih. Really I tell you, gone lah my liver like this kalau asyik dok sakit and telan PCM sokmo. Isy.....

Salam Takziah

2009-03-26T14:51:00.001+02:00

Just got the news from my mom about the passing of my SIL's father in Kedah.

Semoga roh-nya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama orang-orang yag beriman. Amin...

AL-FATIHAH

n/b: Life is short. Treasure every moment. Every second counts. Don't waste time on thinking about what might have been, but think about what it will be instead...

Stomach Flu et moi

2009-03-14T02:14:00.009+02:00

Gastroenteritis, or commonly (and mistakenly) known as the stomach flu, is an inflammation of the lining of the stomach and small and large intestines. Most of the cases are infectious, although gastroenteritis may also follow ingestion of drugs and chemical toxins (eg, metals, plant substances).

Infectious gastroenteritis is commonly caused by viruses (Rotavirus, Norovirus, Astrovirus, Adenovirus, CMV), and less commonly by bacterias (Campylobacter, Salmonella, Shigella, E.coli O157:H7) and parasites (Giardia, Cryptosporidium).

Generally, there is a sudden onset of symptoms, with anorexia, nausea, vomiting, borborygmi, abdominal cramps, watery diarrhea (with or without blood and mucus), malaise, myalgias, and prostration. The abdomen may be distended and mildly tender; in severe cases, muscle guarding may be present. Gas-distended intestinal loops may be palpable. Borborygmi are present even without diarrhea. Persistent vomiting and diarrhea can result in intravascular fluid depletion with hypotension and tachycardia. In severe cases, shock, with vascular collapse and oliguric renal failure, occurs.

Treatment is symptomatic, although parasitic and some bacterial infections require specific anti-infective therapy. Gastroenteritis is usually uncomfortable but self-limited. Electrolyte and fluid loss is usually little more than an inconvenience to an otherwise healthy adult but can be grave for people who are very young elderly, or debilitated or who have serious concomitant illnesses.

(Source: The Merck Manual of Medical Information)

This was what I had last weekend. A rather bad case of gastroenteritis. First it was diarrhea. I thought it was just a plain case of lactose intolerance (had a glass of milk Friday afternoon) which usually would pass after a few hours, or at least food poisoning. But then the symptoms got worse; non-stop diarrhea, nausea, abdominal cramps, a pulsating frontal headache, back pain and muscle cramps. And come Saturday afternoon my temperature spiked! I was dehydrated from the diarrhea and had chills all over that I couldn't eat anything. All I could manage was sipping plain lukewarm water now and then, swallowing a couple of tabs of PCM, gulping down home-made ORS (oral rehydration salt) mix, wrapping up myself under the blankets, and slept and slept and slept...

Alhamdulillah, the next morning the fever, headache, cramps, nausea were all gone. Still had some mild diarrhea though. All I could manage was some dry toast and soup. By nightfall I was almost normal, albeit a little bit weak. I was lucky that my recovery was speedy, I guess that my decision to rehydrate and control the fever worked in my favour. That and also the fact that although the urge to vomit was there I tried not to because I knew that if I do I'm gonna be more dehydrated. It may be bad to suppress the urge, but I do know my body well and how it reacts.

Until now I have been trying to figure out what had caused it. The only conclusion that I can come up with is that I may have had a viral gastroenteritis contracted from the hospital or from my colleagues. Why? Because apparently some of my classmates also fell ill with almost the exact same symptoms that I had on the very same day. It definitely wasn't food poisoning because we didn't eat the same food. Coincidence? I think not. Although, according to one of the doctors it could also be the fact that there was an epidemic of stomach flu at the time. And I think he could be right, because of this. Whatever it was, it affected my friends worse than me. Poor things. But as Ms MCL said there is an upside to it; she lost 5 pounds in less than a week! Good for her, but caution to all of you especially the bulimics: vomiting is NEVER the solution to weight loss, comprende?

It's been a long while since I was this sick. Thank goodness I kept some PCMs, aspirins, charcoal tablets, and paid attention during physiology class long time ago. Time and again the home-made ORS mix proved to be useful when no pre-packed ORS are available on-hand. Thanks Prof. Ruby, you're a life saver!

n.b. I'm laying off rice for now. My stomach can't seem to stand it anymore, too starchy I guess. Might go vegetarian for a while. Wonder how long till I'll start craving for some meat...

Busy Bee

2009-03-11T15:19:00.003+02:00

I'm wiped out. Tired of running around town for our classes in different hospitals scattered all over the place. Thank goodness the public transport here is quite efficient, although one do have to put up with bau-bauan yang kurang menyenangkan daripada orang-orang yang tak reti nak mandi, ada yang sanggup tak mandi berbulan-bulan sebab nak jimat air. Sheeeeshhhh....

We're having a case presentation tomorrow. It's about a patient in our pediatrics clinic with Tetralogy of Fallot. Interesting case, nice and very accomodating baby. My group has the honour of presenting first, so I would really hope that we'll do good. Will give an update later on how it goes.

Now need to get some zzzzzzzs before revising for tomorrow's presentation, got a killer headache residual from a very bad case of Gastroenteritis (stomach flu) over the weekend. If got time I'll blog about that too.

Oh, did I mention that I HATE public speaking?? Urghhhhhhh...

I Me Wed

2009-02-25T03:32:00.005+02:00

I recently came across this movie while searching for something else on youtube. Ran out of things to do so I decided to watch this. Well, what can I say? As soon as I'm done watching all I wanted to do is run off and marry myself! Now that would be a sight, wouldn't it...

This is the story of Isabel Darden, attractive and successful but is 30 years old and still single. The thing is, she's having a blast and doesn't mind being single at all, but her family and friends (both married and single) kept at nagging her and trying to fix her up with guys that are not her type. They meant well I suppose, because they didn't want to see her ending up as a dried-up old spinster (at age 30?? come on!) and want to see her happily married, making babies and living in a house with a white picket fence. But as sweet-natured and patient as she is, alas she got fed-up with their incessant meddling and refusal to believe that she is indeed happy being single and wouldn't want to settle down just because everyone else is that she decided to have a ceremony to marry herself! Intriguing idea indeed...

So, against her family's and friends' wishes she went ahead with her plans. But things got rather complicated: when her ceremony garnered a lot of attention from the media and the public that said what she's doing is a symbol of women empowerment, and offered to sponsor her "wedding" and a gorgeous wedding dress; and it didn't help her either when she finally met a wonderful guy that could possibly be the one. But by then it was too late to do anything but to go ahead with her plans. So, should she just go ahead with it and not tell her guy (which seems to be oblivious of it all) until after the wedding and risking losing him later, or should she tell him about it anyhow and risk losing him now? Hmmmm, a tough choice to make...

But anyways, she did went ahead with her 'self-affirmation' event. Her aim of doing this is not because that she will never ever get married, but it is to make a vow that she will do what she feels right when the time is right with the right person, and not sacrifice the part of her that makes her HER. What touched me the most was the vows that she made to herself:

I, Isabel Darden, love myself.
I honour myself, and I cherish myself.
And most importantly, I promise to really be true to myself, from this moment forward, no matter what...

I wish I'd have the courage to do this. But then again, you don't need a fancy schmancy wedding party to make that vow. You can do it without all the trappings and have that self-affirmation wherever and whenever you want.

But you know what, if by 40 I'm still single, I may have to have one of these myself just to shut people up.
So, anyone wanna be my bridesmaid?

Under The Bridge

2009-02-24T03:21:00.000+02:00

The rules:
1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. NO CHEATING!
5. Tag others

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Sweet love (Anita Baker)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Like a stone (Audioslave) ..... hehehehehe, right on the money!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Dreaming of you (Selena) ..... nope, no more...

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
My happy ending (Avril Lavigne) ..... well, gotta believe that there's something at the end of the rainbow, right?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Sometime's love ain't enough (Patty Smythe & Don Henley) ..... how true...

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I'm a bitch! (Meredith Brooks) ..... whoa, really guys?? heheh...

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Only hope (Mandy Moore) ..... yup, that's all that I can do right now, sigh...

WHAT IS 2+2?
No air (Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Big girls don't cry (Fergie) ..... well, not all the time but once in a while apa salahnya kan...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
From this moment (Shania Twain)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Untukmu '94 (KRU) ..... hmmm, memang pun...

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fire (Babyface & Des'ree) ..... on fire?? a fireman?? selalu kena fire tu ada la...

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
I love rock n roll (Britney Spears) ..... woohoooo! rock on baby! ni baru betul going with a bang, huhu...

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Menghitung hari (Kris Dayanti) ..... mak aih, jiwangnya...

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I'll be (Edwin McCain) ..... whatever that you want me to be... *smirks*

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Give it away (Red Hot Chili Peppers) ..... hah? menyimpan ada ler..

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Life (Des'ree) ..... how appropriate...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Hilang (Diddy) ..... ada orang tu sembunyi dalam gua lagi ke? *wink wink*

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Dreams (The Cranberries) ..... when it gets crushed before it could ever happen...

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Ode to my family (The Cranberries) ..... no comment ^_^

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Crazy (Aerosmith) ..... craziness freaks me out actually...

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
That don't impress me much (Shania Twain)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Destiny (Misha Omar) ..... my life is in GOD's hands...

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Khayalan (VE ft. Ruffedge) ..... ROFL!!! surely it's a sign...

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Always (Atlantic Starr) ..... i think of them often too...

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Buttons (Pussycat Dolls)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Promise me (Beverley Craven) ..... don't make promises that you can't keep, okay?

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Back at one (Brian McKnight) ..... from when I was born...

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
Big yellow taxi (Counting Crows ft. Vanessa Carlton) ..... take a ride!

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Under the bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

I'm tagging sue, aa, and everyone else who are reading this. You're tagged!

Miss Austen says...

2009-02-18T12:06:00.004+02:00

"Where any one body of educated men, of whatever denomination, are condemned indiscriminately, there must be a deficiency of information, or...of something else."

Right on, Jane!!

Drama Queens

2009-02-18T00:57:00.000+02:00

Please, keep them away from me before any bodily/verbal assault is leashed.

There are much more important things to think about besides making a HUGE fuss on those very very tiny itsy-bitsy little things. Unless if it's a life and death matter, or right and wrong, anything else is solvable granted that you have the patience to search for the solutions.

No one else can cure someones childishness or their obsession with looks, weight and popularity but themselves. It may not make them a bad person, no, but when their behaviour is affecting the people around them in a negative way then that won't make them a good person either, doesn't it?

No drama please. I'm exhausted. Life is hard enough...*sigh*

Gerammm

2009-02-15T17:48:00.005+02:00

Tak paham betol la korang ni. Suka bebenor kacau orang lain sehari dua sebelum periksa. Masa ni baru lah kelam-kabut carik nota lah, jawapan lah, isi penting yg cikgu cakap kat dalam kelas lah...hisy....

Yang sibuk-sibuk sangat ni apa hal?? Apa yg aku ada korang ada jugak kan, buku sama cikgu sama kelas sama. Kalau korang tak tulis apa-apa masa kat dalam kelas tu masalah korang lah, ada aku kisah?? Nama je datang semua kelas on time, dok kat depan lagi tuh tapi satu haprak pun korang tak tulis/paham apa ke halnya. Aku yg dok kat belakang2 ni pun sempat menulis, korang dok kat depan2 tu telek muka cikgu sambil kira taik lalat kat muka depa kot. Kalau benda-benda ni korang tanya sebelum nak periksa boleh je aku layan, tapi ni masa aku nak ulangkaji korang makin serabutkan kepala hotak ni.

BODOH.

Hah, kan dah kena.

Sabor je lah.....

Miss Austen says...

2009-02-09T01:35:00.007+02:00

"I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage.
If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person."

Politics Schmolitics

2009-02-07T14:15:00.003+02:00

What in the world is happening back home?

Is everyone going nuts?!!

This is why I don't do politics.

Come on people, you can do better than this.

Peace y'all...

Filtering my system away

2009-01-31T17:43:00.005+02:00

Just got the results for Nephrology exam, and I am sooo glad that I passed. Having our seniors telling us that this is one of the hardest paper to pass, you can understand why my nerves were rattled with anxiety, sleepless nights and also bouts of diarrhea prior to the big day!

But then, it wasn't so bad after all. The exam I mean. If you go to all the classes and rounds and studied throughout the session passing won't be a problem. Heck, scoring an A won't be a problem either (and I am a proof of that miracle!)... Anyways, I'm just really relieved that it's over and now could start focusing for other subjects. Adoooiiiii.....

Going through the nephrology cycle wasn't easy for me personally. I have had to battle my own demons and sad memories whenever I set foot in the wards/dialysis units. Being there brought back memories of how it was for me when my late father had to be admitted for renal failure and I was practically living in the hospital too at the time. He was on hemodialysis but due to a lot of complications (post-dialysis hypotension was the major problem), he chose to continue his renal replacement therapy with a CAPD (continous ambulatory peritoneal dialysis). And although the CAPD was working, his heart gave out in the end.

Looking back I wonder how I did it and where did I had the strength to go through all that because now I can't imagine going through all that again. Maybe it's the power of love that was keeping me afloat and sane those days; when it's for someone that you love nothing is impossible. The only thing that I regretted until this day is if only I have had the courage to give him one of my kidneys maybe he would have a better chance of survival. Until now the what ifs plagues my mind, and how I wish I could have done it differently.

If only...

Selfishness...Cure??

2008-12-28T18:49:00.008+02:00

Is selfishness hereditary, or is it an acquired trait? Do these people ever think about anyone or anything else besides themselves? Does it play a big role in life, and does it determine the outcome of the future?? And another thing; is self-preservation the same as selfishness?? I wonder....

There are two things about the human behaviour that I could never understand: selfishness and kiasu-ness. But then again, understanding the human psyche was never my strong point. Sigh, go figure...

We live in a world where to some, it is permissible, to a certain extent, to step on other people's toes, pushing others aside or even stabbing others from the back to get ahead or to be the best of the best. They justify their actions by saying that it is called 'surviving in life', and if they don't do it they would be left behind because in these hectic times to them there's no longer a 'WE' or 'US', it's all about 'ME, MYSELF & I'..... Gosh, what a lotta BS!!

I understand the need to succeed, and I do understand the desire to be the best, but to trample on others on the way to the top is sooo wrong!! I don't know how they could do it; maybe they are made of sterner stuff, and maybe they have a heart of stone or steel...i don't know. It just baffles me sometimes how they can do what they did or are doing and still have their conscience intact. And it hurts when you realized that the people that you thought would never resort to a selfish state (well, at least with you) would be one selfish a**!! So what's their excuse I wonder? To be better, smarter, popular than you because they felt threatened perhaps?? Oh puh-leaze! They can have ALL the limelight that they want, I just don't f***ing care! I have never meddled in anyone's business, have never tried to be someone that I'm not, and the last thing I wanna be is to be put on a pedestal and being known as miss goody-goody two shoes smarty pants. I've always tried understand others and put myself in their shoes; so that I won't do anything that I know I wouldn't like too. But it is so disheartening when after all that you've done and be, there are still people who are still envious of you even when you've never given them the need to be. What hurts more is that when they are amongst the people that you consider your friends that you thought know you better by now and would never do such a thing. Oh well, I guess one can never totally understand the actions of others no matter how much one thought they did or would like to. Complex beings we are, humans.....

And having said that, is selfishness curable? Is there hope still for those afflicted by it?
If any of you has the cure for this epidemic and contagious disease, please do let me know because I sure could do with some of it pronto...

Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)

2008-12-23T07:14:00.002+02:00

This video has become the latest dance craze (according to Yahoo, that is).
After watching it I gotta tell you it does make one wanna start shaking her booty, yeah...

It'd really be great if I could be that toned and dancing like that huh, hmmmmmmm.....

The Name Says It All

2008-12-22T02:46:00.003+02:00

This is a brief analysis of my name. FYI this is just for fun out of pure boredom, so do forgive me for a little bit of self indulgence...

Name Analysis:

Your first name has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission.

You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people.

You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain.

You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

Although this name creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry, mental tension, and tension or accidents to the head.

Your middle name has given you sensitivity and appreciation for the finer and deeper things in life.

You can enjoy reading, study, and contemplation about many different subjects.

When your interests or curiosity are aroused, you work intensely at new undertakings, but your interests often wane when you encounter drudgery and monotony, with the result that you leave many things unfinished.

Your name has taken you into many bitter experiences.

The greatest lack in your life is stability and peace of mind.

A peaceful and quiet environment, especially out in nature, is one of your greatest desires, but you are constantly taken into chaotic conditions.

Although this name creates an interest in the deeper aspects of life, we emphasize that it causes a restless intensity that defies relaxation.

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the heart, lungs, bronchial area, and solar plexus.

Well well...seems that there are some truths when they say that you are what you are called. So, do be careful in choosing your call name and naming your kids ok.

Wanna try it out? You can try it out and see what your name means here.

I.HATE.DRAMA.QUEENS...

2008-12-12T04:30:00.002+02:00

with a passion. Keep 'em away from my life, PLEASE....

Enuff said.

Sweet As Sugar

2008-12-10T05:03:00.000+02:00

Had Diabetology exam recently, and what can I say? Diabetology rocks! IMO we should have had this subject when we were starting our clinical cycle. Things would have been clearer and easier for us. Oh well, I guess it's never too late to gain knowledge. Plus it's important for us future docs to know that the previous diabetes mellitus (DM) classification of Type 1 Insulin Dependent DM (IDDM) and Type 2 Non-insulin Dependent DM (NIDDM) is incorrectly used due to the fact that even Type 2 DM patients are prescribed with insulin as their treatment regimens nowadays. Therefore it's just Type 1 DM (insulin deficiency) and Type 2 DM (insulin resistance).

Note to self: DO keep up to date with the latest info on DM for future references. AND limit sugar and/or sugary products intake because prevention is definitely better than cure!

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-24T20:32:00.003+03:00

Yup, I'm HOOOOOOOOME!!!!!! Been two weeks now, time flies so fast! Finally after the crazy and hectic exam session I got to spend the holidays sans palpitations and nightmares. So now I am basking under the hot blistering Malaysian sun enjoying authentic Malaysian cuisines alas...

But oh no, it's not all food, sun and play mind you. Am currently doing my summer practicals in a local hospital far far away from home. Temporarily bunking with AA (you know who you are, hehe) till next week. So far so good, and it's really an eye opener and a good experience for me so that one can familiarize with the things and the system here. My only hope is that I can leave a good impression on them on the quality of students from our place. And I also hope that one day I could be as good a doctor as they are... Come on Melle, you can do it!

Oh, and another thing, my new niece and nephew are sooooooo adorable!! Can't believe I've got 5 tiny tots to spoil now in the family, courtesy of my siblings. Go figure though, I'm already booked till October as the babysitter/nanny. Hmmmmmm...wonder if I could ask for a raise for the driver/PA/nanny/babysitter/maid position this time around? Hah, when pigs fly and the cow jumps over the moon....

So since I haven't got the time and the access to come online as frequent as I would like to, most probably I will be in a blogging hiatus for a while. But if there's anything interesting to write about maybe, just maybe, I'll make a special appearance once in while...

"SELAMAT DATANG KE MALAYSIA, DAN KEPADA WARGANEGARA MALAYSIA, SELAMAT PULANG KE TANAHAIR..."

I just love it when I hear this announcement on board the MAS flights, sigh...

My Fav Outfit

2008-06-29T15:25:00.003+03:00

This is so cool! Found this website recently and currently addicted to it. Finally something else to do besides shopping, hehehe...

And below is what I love to wear for a day out. So comfy and simple. I like!

Kung Fu Panda

2008-06-25T16:23:00.006+03:00

If any of you hadn't had the chance to watch this movie, my advice is: Go watch it pronto!! Recently managed to squeeze in some entertainment time from study break, and so opted for this much talked about movie for the much needed stress relief and see what's all the hype about it. And let me tell you, I was practically in stitches throughout the whole thing. Good comic relief indeed...

I won't do a review of the movie here as you can browse the web for a more comprehensive review and I also don't want to give out too many spoilers for those who haven't watch the movie yet, but I just want to share about the things that made me go "Awwwwww.........." while I was watching it.

One: It features animals, talking animals mind you, and Po is oh-so-darn-cute and cuddly! I can imagine if I were to have a man like that there's nothing more that I would love to do than use his love-handles as my pillow, heheh. There's more of him to love, you know... ^_^

Two: The storyline of how an underdog and a normal individual would at the end of the day be someone and accomplish something that no one would have ever thought he would ever succeed in doing it just warms the heart. It shows that through sheer will and perseverance, and also through the trust and compassion from the others around you, nothing is impossible and unaccomplishable. You are what you want to be, trust in yourself and that's the best gift of all...

Three: The witty dialogue and repartee, and the individual quirks of each character in this movie, especially the laid-back and eager Po, his stern-yet-quirky Sifu, and the very wise but very-vague-talking-in-riddles Master makes it an enjoyable watch. The fact that the Sifu actually uses Po's weakness for food against him to train Po was ingenious! And you know what, I actually was craving some kaya/red bean/curry chicken pau while watching them in training! Hahaha...

Four: Check out the original voices for the characters. Great casts and they did a swell job.

So, those are the things that I love about Kung Fu Panda. Do you share my opinion, or do you think it's highly overrated and is just watchable? Oh well, too each his own I guess. One can't force one's opinion onto another, but do watch it if you're seeking for a light-weight comic relief. Highly recommended, though I won't guarantee that you won't be craving for a pau or a bowl of slurpy noodles once you're done watching...

Po: Sifu, sifu, don't die!

Sifu: Stop it! I'm not dead you idiot.....errrrr Dragon Warrior!

hehehehehe...

To Pee or Not To Pee...

2008-06-25T15:00:00.006+03:00

Case 1:
Male 38 years old, with chronic unilateral lumbar pain.
Lab investigations and urinalysis are within normal limits and ultrasound scan (USS) reveals significant abnormalities. A kidney-ureteric-bladder (KUB) X-ray and an intravenous urogram (IVU) investigation was carried out. An additional investigation, a retrograde pyelogram (RPG) was also done for confirmation of diagnosis. --- (KUB X-ray, IVU and RPG films were shown for us to figure out the diagnosis and treatment.)

Diagnosis:
Stenosis of ureteropelvic junction (UPJ) with congenital hydronephrosis of the left kidney with secondary multi-caliceal stones in the left kidney, and a caliceal stone in the right kidney.

Treatment:
- Ureteropyeloplasty / Endopyelotomy to relieve the UPJ obstruction.
- ESWL (exracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy) to remove the stones.

----------

Case 2:
Female 60 years old, admitted in emergency due to excruciating renal colic pain. Patient was given medications for the renal colic and the pain subsided. USS reveals significant unilateral abnormalities. A KUB X-ray and IVU was carried out for further confirmation of diagnosis. --- (KUB X-ray and IVU films were shown to us for diagnosis and treatment)

Diagnosis:
Ureterohydronephrosis on the right side with stenosis of the right ureter due to a ureteric stone in the pelvic ureter.

Treatment:
- Retrograde ureteroscopy (method of choice) / ESWL - to remove the ureteric stone
- Ureterolithotomy (if other procedures are unsuccessful)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, there you go. That was the clinical cases for our group. Quite confusing especially when the stenosis and stones could be over-looked if one wasn't looking for it properly. I guess my decision to focus more on the urinary tract calculi chapter really did paid off. But it was kind of unexpected because whilst other 2 groups had 2 very different cases (renal tumor, horse-shoe kidney, bilateral hydronephrosis, Staghorn stone) ours we had both hydronephrosis and stones. So therein lies the confusion and misdiagnosis for some of my colleagues. Can't blame them though, it was just luck that made me see those tiny little opaque stones on the films and figured out what they were. Alhamdulillah, I am as ever thankful for the grace of Allah and humbled by His love and generosity...

And that marks the end for urology chapter. One thing for sure, I don't think I'm cut out to be a urologist. And if there's one thing that I would eternally remember from all this, it would be.... Priapism!! ^_^

Next up: Anaesthesiology and Intensive Care.

Two more exams and then we're done! Yippeeeee!!!

The Bone Specialist

2008-06-22T18:09:00.008+03:00

We thought, that he was a bear of a man.
We thought, that he was mean and sarcastic.
We thought, that there was no way he's gonna let us go easy in the exam.
And so we thought, we were gonna be majorly screwed.....

Hah, but how wrong we were.
He wasn't mean, just a man of few words.
He wasn't sarcastic, but (rightfully) strict.
And he was fair and just and totally not who we thought he was....

Lesson learned: Never make quick judgements. People might just surprise you.

Well, if he was who we thought he was, many of us would not have made it.
And the thing is, for him, I guess it's enough if you know what you have studied, and most importantly, studied about what was important and the things that he had mentioned in class (provided that one attended his classes, of course).
And it does help to have a good attendance in classes.

So maybe, this time I did it right.
Because I did really really well.

Shocked?
Hell yeah I was.
Thought that my eyes were playing tricks on me when I saw the results.
But I guess I did it right, at least for now.

Next up: Urology.

I'm freaking out! HELP!!!

Mak, I need a break! Huwaaaaaaaa.......

What a Wonderful Day...

2008-06-16T17:51:00.003+03:00

Yes, what a day indeed. Why?

Because I passed General Surgery with flying colours! YAY!! Alhamdulillah....

I guess this time luck was on my side. And plus all those sleepless nights really did pay off.

Started the day with pre-exam jitters with tachycardia and hyperventilation, as usual. If the exam would be anything like last year's (we had the same prof for general surgery then too), then I really should prepare myself for thorough Q&A session during viva oral, and that explains why I had a mild panic attack prior to it. Haih...

First phase: Practical with the patients. Each of us were given a patient and we were asked to interview and examine the patient carefully and thoroughly. My patient, a sweet 80 year-old lady, came in with only a complaint of irregular bowel movements and stool composition, and after a full check-up she was diagnosed with cancer of the right colon (ascending colon) and scheduled for surgery the next day. So when the examiner came to me, I was asked about the patient, her diagnosis, the investigations (blood tests for liver, kidneys, glucose, CBC; barium enema; colonoscopy and biopsy to check for malignancy of the tumor) and surgical treatment suitable for my patient (right hemicolectomy with ileocolic anastomosis, or, if the tumor is unresectable an ileo-transversostomy or bypass should be performed). Phew! Lucky thing I managed to do some last minute revision early that morning about colorectal cancers, else I might just go duh there...

Second phase: Written exam. Quite a tough one actually. 10 questions in all and none too apparent too. Had to do some major brain-digging to vomit out the correct info. It was a miracle I didn't have hematemesis at the time. Urghhhhh...

Third phase: Viva oral. Prof was in quite a good mood today eventhough there were more students today than yesterday (a couple of students that were supposed to go yesterday actually bailed and ended up joining us today, sabar je lah). As my answers were satisfactory (albeit a few mistakes that I made due to confusion, which thank God I had managed to figure it out during the viva and told her before she started to question me about it), she didn't grill me like I would have thought she would. And seeing that my marks for Thoracic Surgery and Cardiac Surgery was good (un-sangkarable betul lah!!) she added everything up and gave me an A!!

Melle got an A for surgery!!! Melle so happy and relieved... ^_^

Alhamdulillah, one down and four more to go. Got time will update.

Next up: Orthopedics.

n.b. Again I was lucky, to get such a nice and cooperative patient. At first she was a bit standoff-ish (which I suspect is due to the fact that I'm a foreigner trying to put my hands on her, hmmm....) but at the end of my practical phase she was talking away non-stop and as I was leaving she had even hugged me and kissed my cheeks, wished me good luck and all the best for my exams, and also reminded me to be a good and worthy doctor. Almost had a break down then and there, luckily managed to run out of the room before the tears spilled onto my cheeks. Sigh.... Tetiba rindu kat tokne lah! Waaaaaa...

My Mosaic, My Life

2008-06-11T23:46:00.008+03:00

1. My first name
2. My favorite food
3. My high school
4. My favorite color
5. My celebrity crush
6. My favorite drink
7. My dream vacation
8. My favorite dessert
9. What I want to be when I grow up
10. What I love most in life
11. One word to describe me
12. My flickr name

Interesting huh? You can make one for yourself too. Just follow the instructions here.

n.b. Who would've guessed I'd have problems deciding things that I like? Fickle me, I know... *grins evilly*

Purpose Driven Marriage

2008-06-11T15:58:00.012+03:00

She has it all planned...

THE 84 YEAR-OLD BRIDE

The local news station was interviewing an 84 year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be married again at 84, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now, in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

"Easy son," she smiled.

"I married one for the money...two for the show...three to get ready...and four to go!"

If only it's as simple as that, heheh... ^_^

Cardiac Surgery

2008-06-09T22:14:00.003+03:00

EXAM. Arghhhhhhh...screwed from the get go, we should really have ignored the kind advices dispensed by the seniors. Oh well, no one else to blame but us, we should have known by now when it comes to our luck it's either bad or worse, and for sure we will be the guinea pigs, AGAIN. Luckily remembered most of what I studied for Internal Medicine though, but still.....Hmmmm, what to do.....

Topics for Group A:
1. Risk factors for CABG (coronary artery bypass grafting)
2. Mitral stenosis - Natural evolution
3. Types of mechanical valves

Topics for Group B:
1. Aortic regurgitation - definition, etiology, signs/symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, surgical procedures & types of grafts used
2. Surgical anatomy of mitral valve
3. Tetralogy of Fallot

Sheeeeesh....if only I could have that wonderful photographic memory, if only I had focused more on this instead of general surgery (eventhough cardiac surgery is a part of the surgery cycle and marks will be counted in the final general surgery final exam marks), if only, if only....

Well Melle, no use crying over spilled milk. What's done is done. Need to focus more for other papers. Life must go on...

Next up: General Surgery.

Wish me luck!!

7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD

2008-06-07T22:15:00.017+03:00

Have always wondered which are the new ones. Someone sent this last year, but typical me just opened, read, and closed it with very minimal attention. So, as I was cleaning my inbox I found this again and might as well post it here for my personal future reference. ^_^

The New 7 Wonders of the World announced during the Official Declaration ceremony in Lisbon , Portugal on Saturday, July 7, 2007 - 07.07.07.

1. THE TAJ MAHAL, INDIA

2. THE ROMAN COLLOSEUM, ITALY

3. PETRA, JORDAN

4. MACHU PICHU, PERU

5. THE GREAT WALL, CHINA

6. CHRIST REDEEMER, BRAZIL

7. CHICHEN ITZA, MEXICO

I've only been to one of the wonders of the world. And my dream is to visit all these places before I kick the bucket (after completing my Haj, of course)...

So, anyone kind enough to sponsor a trip? ;P

Divorce Letters...from both parties

2008-06-07T22:01:00.013+03:00

This was a good one ^_^

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me.
Whichever is the case.....I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.
Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl"... but my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from
me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla'.....was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.....PADAN MUKA!!!

Unity - The Malaysian Way

2008-06-06T23:15:00.006+03:00

Yup, I'm still alive and breathing. Barely, I might say. Had anxiety attacks prior to the BIG event, hyperventilated, and was almost hypoxic by the time I managed to regulate my breathing. Hah! No way I'm gonna give HIM the satisfaction of passing out in his hospital and have him be the boss of me! But alas, I was proven right after all. Anyways, IT'S DONE AND OVER WITH and I AM FREE!!!!

So, as I was blog hopping (or more appropriately stalking, haha), I found this video posted in several blogs. And as I was watching it I didn't realize that tears were running down my face when the song ended. Me? Crying?! Over a song?!!! Wow, I must be more emotionally unstable than I thought I was *winks*...

I am a Malaysian. And I am proud to be a Malaysian. Home is where the heart is, and I've definitely left mine in Malaysia. Things may not be perfect and without flaws, but it's the imperfections that made us special. Maybe racism might still exist in this day and age, and maybe it'll take some time for us to totally have an integrated race, but you would only understand how truly wonderful and special Malaysia is when you're abroad. Well yeah, you do get miffed when people asked you where you're from and when you said Malaysia they'd go, "Huh? Where is that?", and you have to explain to them that it lies between our famous northern and southern neighbours (sheeeesh)... But then when they asked your friends that you were hanging out with (who were indians and chinese) where they're from and they'd also say they're from Malaysia, I guarantee you would never ever want to miss out on the duh and slightly puzzled look on the questioner's face! Priceless, I tell you...

You see, some people DO still think that Malaysians live in the jungle and in wooden houses, some were even surprised when they found out that as a Muslim woman I possess a driving license (both for car and motorcycle, thank you very much!), and the fact that we Malaysians practically celebrate the holidays and special days for the different religions/races. Well okay, granted that these kind of peeps are those who don't watch CNN or international news or stunk at Geography, and they don't even speak a word of English, I still feel that it is just total ignorance. They only knew where Malaysia is when we were hit by Tsunami in 2004 (it was all over the local news that's why), but then again they thought that Malaysia is a part of Thailand! But it is kind of liberating to educate them about Malaysia, Malaysians, and most importantly, Malaysian food! ^_^
(By the by, I know this is not something to be proud of but some of my non-Malaysian friends have added -lah to their vocab! Very bad I know, but can't blame us for using -lah at the end of all of our sentences. So used to it lah, what to do, hehehe)...

But anyways, I think one of the best things of being a Malaysian is that we speak the Malay language (or Bahasa Malaysia). It is actually based from Bahasa Melayu which has been Malaysianized, hence the Malaysian language or Bahasa Malaysia is born. Yeah okay I know, I'm a Malay so it's my mother-tongue, but to be able to gossip or complain or have a full-blown ranting session with other fellow non-Malay Malaysians in a tram-full of people in Bahasa Malaysia is kinda fun! It's especially funny when they have no idea that we were actually cussing in a sing-songy voice. But still, caution should be advised because just recently we met a local guy who have been working in Malaysia for 6 years, understands a little of our language and cited Nasi Lemak as his favourite Malaysian food! (Admittedly though this has a one in a million probability of that ever occuring again.)

So, if you wanna know more about this project involving Malaysians that love Malaysia, and if you're a Malaysian and would want to see the unity in our beloved country, just click on the banner below and do support their cause.

MALAYSIA BOLEH!!

TOMORROW...

2008-05-31T11:38:00.006+03:00

..... is JUDGEMENT DAY. It will be the day that will decide if I have what it takes to do what I've chosen to do. It will be the day that will decide if I will be able to celebrate Eid at home. And it will be the day for me to verify my belief that an a**hole will always be an a**hole, even if I've done all that I could and gave all my best.

Tomorrow is indeed the Judgement Day. And it doesn't help that the judge feels it's right to screw people's lives. But by hook or by crook I have to get this done and over with NOW. Let's see if I'm still alive and breathing by Monday.

Sick and Tired

2008-05-30T20:32:00.003+03:00

.....of EXAMS!!!!!

Confessions of a Sci-Fi Freak

2008-05-30T18:49:00.013+03:00

"To boldly go where no man has gone before..." - Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise

Yes, I am one. A sci-fi freak I mean. Have been for quite a while now actually. But, funnily enough, no one would have ever pegged me for being one. Why? Well, maybe because no one would have ever thought that a typical plain girl like me would have an interest in all these sci-fi, out-of-this-world and sometimes ridiculous notions that we are not alone. I have always been sold to the idea that there might be other beings apart from us on Earth, because if we are the only living creatures existing on this planet that we call Earth in this wide universe don’t you think that it is such a waste of space?

My fascination with all things sci-fi started when I was really young, though to be honest I was never into Star Wars... I love astronomy (but I could never really name you the stars and signs, and plus I suck at Physics… *dolefully grinning*) and have always been interested in all things related to the ancient civilization and cultures (Egyptian, Roman, Greek, Incan Mayan, Aztec etc). Come to think of it, if I were not doing medicine I might just have chosen a career involving ancient civilizations and languages. Sigh, sometimes I do wonder if I had made the correct decision after all…

Ooopppssss, I’ve digressed. Ok, coming back to the topic. As I’ve said my interest started really early, but not until STARGATE the movie came out that my fascination grew even more. If you’ve never watched STARGATE before, you really are missing something. For those who have watched it know the reason why I love it so much. First, it’s about the idea that we are indeed not alone and there are other beings that exist in this universe. Second, the storyline that was based on ancient Egyptian civilization, and amazingly enough their ability to make the idea that the Pyramids of Giza could just maybe, maybe, built by aliens as no one could really understand how they were built in those days without proper technology. Some theories were made saying that it must have been built by a far more superior race and technology ahead of their time back then. And third, the concept of traveling through space to reach other habitual planets in the distant galaxies, meeting new race of aliens, learning their cultures, languages etc etc etc….. Ah, what I wouldn’t give to be able to do that…

So, from there on I’ve developed a preference for all sci-fi shows, including all those related to paranormal stuff (it’s kind of arrogant of us to assume that we are the only intelligent life form, isn’t it?) and also space explorations… I especially love the more recent shows, because it makes more sense (well to me at least). Among those that I consider as my favorites are:

MOVIES:

1. STARGATE
2. STARGATE: ARK OF TRUTH
3. CONTACT
4. STEALTH
5. UNIVERSAL SOLDIERS (don’t ask me why, ok!)
6. TRANSFORMERS
7. THE MATRIX (the trilogy)
8. SPACE COWBOYS
9. APOLLO 13
10. JUMPER
11. FREQUENCY
12. MEN IN BLACK
13. FACE/OFF
14. TWELVE MONKEYS
15. POWDER

TV SHOWS:

1. STARGATE SG1 (I love, I love, I loooooooove this show!! Finished watching all episodes from season 1 till 10, in a month! Me a freak indeed ^_^)
2. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (2003)
3. FARSCAPE
4. ANDROMEDA
5. BABYLON 5
6. SEAQUEST DSV
7. STAR TREK VOYAGER
8. THE TRIANGLE

So what do you think? Well, if you say that nah, what’s the biggie, then let me tell you this: I would rather forgo shopping with my mom than missing one episode of Star Trek Voyager. No sane female would miss out the opportunity to go shopping (especially when you don’t have to pay for it), so I guess I was a freak since back then huh?

n.b. I wish I could be Captain/Colonel/Major Samantha Carter in another life (hint: Stargate SG1): beautiful brainy brave, with a heart of gold.....

What Do My Stars Say About Me?

2008-05-30T01:43:00.004+03:00

Am I like that? Do I have the listed characteristics? Well, there are some hits and also some misses. Which ones, you might ask? Well, it's for me to know and for you to (probably never) find out... *grins*

JODOH oleh Dato Dr Hj Fadzilah Khamsah

2008-05-25T20:43:00.002+03:00

1. Semua orang ada jodoh atau pasangan yang menanti dan biasanya ia berada tidak jauh dari anda. Jarang orang bertemu dengan jodoh yang berada jauh darinya.

2. Jodoh itu ketentuan Allah dan kita wajib berusaha. Doa, usaha yang betul dan bersungguh-sungguh disertai dengan tawakkal, insyallah akan menemukan anda dengan pasangan anda.

3. Ramai orang masih belum bertemu jodoh kerana mudah patah semangat. Teruskan usaha sehingga anda bertemu jodoh.

4. Seimbangkan hidup anda dengan sempurna agar diri anda jadi seperti 'magnet' yang menarik bakal pasangan anda kepada anda.

5. Daya tarikan yang sebenar berpusat di hati yang murni. Berusahalah untuk mencuci hati anda daripada semua perasaan yang negatif terhadap semua orang di dunia ini.

6. Agar mudah orang sayang, cuci hati dengan jaga ibadah, solat taubat, beristighfar, baca Al-Quran, maafkan orang lain, meminta maaf, bersedekah dan berfikiran positif.

7. Sayangi semua orang di sekitar anda dan anda akan menarik sayang terhadap anda. Jika anda membenci orang, ditakuti bakal pasangan anda akan membenci anda.

8. Orang yang sedang mencari pasangan harus sentiasa bersedia untuk bertemu dengan pasangannya pada bila-bila masa. Justeru, kita perlu sentiasa dalam keadaan yang paling menarik setiap masa. Tanggapan pertama adalah yang terpenting.

9. Untuk lelaki, tarikan pertama ialah pakaiannya. Untuk perempuan, wajah dan bentuk badan menjadi tarikan pertama. Sediakan diri untuk menawan bakal pasangan anda.

10. Buka hati dan minda anda untuk menerima cinta. Cinta boleh berputik pada bila-bila masa. Cinta mudah datang kepada mereka yang sentiasa bersedia untuk menerima cinta.

11. Cinta datang melalui mata lalu turun ke hati. Justeru, perhebatkan hubungan mata secara memandang bakal pasangan dengan penuh kasih sayang.

12. Kita boleh berkomunikasi melalui fikiran. Hantarlah kasih sayang dan hasrat murni anda terhadap pasangan dengan gelombang fikiran ini secara berterusan hingga berjaya.

13. Ramai yang terlepas peluang dan patah hati sebab lewat menyatakan hasrat kepada bakal pasangan. Perkara yang baik disegerakan (iaitu menyatakan perasaan anda kepada bakal pasangan).

14. Tidak salah untuk orang perempuan memulakan usaha untuk berkenalan. Orang lelaki akan sentiasa merasakan mereka yang memulakan perkenalan walaupun sebenarnya orang perempuan yang mulakan. (huh? i don't think so...)

15. Berkomunikasi dengan mesra dan bersemangat menggunakan lidah, mata, hati dan bahasa badan. Elakkan bercakap sambil lewa atau kurang sopan terhadap bakal pasangan.

16. Berbual dengan pasangan mengenai apa yang dia suka. Beri tumpuan kepada minat dan perasaannya. Elakkan sibuk memberi tumpuan kepada diri sendiri.

17. Layan bakal pasangan dengan mesra seperti kawan lama walaupun baru berkenalan. Bentuk suasana keintiman dengan segera agar bakal pasangan rasa selesa.

18. Makin mudah kita menceritakan hal peribadi yang munasabah kepada bakal pasangan, semakin mudah dia menceritakan hal dirinya kepada kita.

19. Berdoa dan latih diri agar kita pandai mendampingi orang lain dan seronok untuk didampingi oleh orang lain. Buang perangai yang menyebabkan orang benci kepada kita.

20. Beri sayang untuk mendapat sayang. Orang yang masih ada perasaan benci terhadap sebarang orang boleh menyebabkan bakal pasangan benci atau tidak tertarik kepada kita. Justeru buang semua benci.

21. Untuk wanita, jangan jual mahal terhadap bakal pasangan. Tetapi, nyatakan dengan hikmah kepadanya yang anda amat sukar untuk berkenalan dengan lelaki lain.

22. Kebanyakan lelaki mudah tertarik kepada perempuan yang simple, tidak materialistik, mudah berterima kasih dan redha dengan setiap pemberian lelaki tersebut.

23. Orang perempuan mudah tertarik kepada lelaki yang memberi perhatian, penghargaan dan penghormatan kepada mereka. Justeru, orang lelaki janganlah terlalu jimat atau kedekut. (setuju!)

24. Orang lelaki perlu belajar mengenal kerenah orang perempuan. perasaan, pemikiran, kehendak, keperluan, kesukaan dan kebenciannya.

25. Elakkan memberi tumpuan kepada kelemahan dan kesilapan kecil yang ada pada bakal pasangan. Jangan sesekali mengutuk atau memalukan bakal pasangan.

26. Senyuman ikhlas, wajah yang menawan dan bahasa badan yang penuh kemesraan akan menambat lelaki terhadap wanita.

27. Orang mudah tertawan kepada bakal pasangan yang ada persamaan dan ada perbezaan sifat, tindakan dan minat. Terlalu banyak persamaan membosankan. Banyak sangat perbezaan menyesakkan.

28. Orang mudah tertarik kepada bakal pasangan yang ada sikap dan sifat yang saling mengimbangi dan melengkapkan sikap dan sifatnya.

29. Walaupun belum kenal rapat dengan bakal pasangan, nyatakan yang anda sering merasa atau berfikir seperti yang dia rasa atau fikir. Keserasian adalah tarikan.

30. Perempuan membentuk hubungan dengan berbual dan bercakap. Lelaki bentuk hubungan dengan melakukan sesuatu kegiatan secara bersama.

31. Orang mudah tertawan kepada bakal pasangan yang mempunyai persamaan daripada berbagai segi seperti kefahaman politik, aktiviti keagamaan, sikap terhadap harta, wang dan hobi.

32. Dua orang yang amat banyak perbezaan boleh serasi antara satu sama lain jika mempunyai satu atau dua persamaan yang mendalam seperti suka kepada kucing, suka melancong atau suka ramai anak.

33. Tindakan yang serentak akan menarik bakal pasangan terhadap anda. Contohnya, serentak berpaling, serentak angkat gelas, serentak berdiri, serentak nak ke tandas. (apakah?!)

34. Tawan hati bakal pasangan dengan pamerkan emosi yang sama terhadap sesuatu kejadian atau peristiwa : sama-sama gembira, sedih, terperanjat, benci, simpati dan sebagainya.

35. Dua insan mudah serasi jika mempunyai pentafsiran yang sama mengenai hubungan : tahap keakraban, kebebasan, kebergantungan, pemberian, pengorbanan dan sebagainya.

36. Kenalpasti ciri-ciri yang disukai oleh bakal pasangan anda. Bentuk ciri-ciri yang disukai oleh bakal pasangan anda. Bentuk ciri-ciri ini dalam diri anda dan pamerkan kepadanya yang anda mempunyai ciri-ciri tersebut.

37. Semua orang mencari cinta sejati tanpa syarat. Bakal pasangan anda akan tertarik kepada anda jika anda mengasihinya bukan kerana wajah, harta, keturunan @glamornya.

38. Bakal pasangan akan tertawan kepada anda jika anda dapat bantu mengukuhkan imej dirinya, rangsang semangatnya dan pupuk keyakinan dirinya.

39. Keikhlasan amat penting dalam memuji atau memotivasi bakal pasangan. Jika kita didapati bohong, dia akan terus menjauhkan diri daripada kita.

40. Pujian yang berhikmah dan ikhlas bertindak sebagai magnet yang menarik anda kepada bakal pasangan. Pujian daripada kawan baru lebih bermakna dan berkesan berbanding pujian daripada kawan lama.

41. Ulang sebut perkataan, ayat atau slogan yang digemari bakal pasangan anda. Ini menyebabkan dia rasa istimewa dan dihargai dan akan tertawan kepada anda.

42. Kenalpasti keistimewaan bakal pasangan anda yang orang lain tidak nampak. Sampaikan kehebatan ini dengan bersemangat dan dia akan mudah tertawan kepada anda.

43. Untuk bakal pasangan yang popular dan sering dipuji , cari pujian yang original untuk menambat hatinya. Untuk orang yang tidak popular, sebarang pujian amat dialukan dan dihargai.

44. Beri penghargaan serta merta kepada setiap pencapaian atau kejayaan bakal pasangan. Ini membelai dan melembutkan hatinya terhadap anda.

45. Jika bakal pasangan memuji anda, pamerkan keseronokan anda dengan senyuman dan ucapan terima kasih dan bersyukur. Dia akan rasa dihargai.

46. Cari keunikan, kelucuan atau kegilaan bakal pasangan anda. Nyatakan yang anda suka kepadanya sebab keunikan tersebut. Ini buat dia rasa istimewa.

47. Ramai pasangan sengsara bila isteri terlalu cantik atau suami terlalu handsome. Justeru, cari bakal pasangan yang setara dan sepadan dengan kita.

48. Orang yang merasa dirinya hodoh sukar untuk mendapat pasangan. Carilah kecantikan yang ada pada anda dan bentuk keyakinan diri. Hati yang suci dan keyakinan yang tinggi menyerlahkan kecantikan anda.

49. Wanita mudah tertawan kepada lelaki yang gentleman, bersopan santun, suka membantu, menghormati wanita, berani dan yakin diri.

50. Untuk jadi lebih menawan, berterusan belajar, perbaiki perangai dan peribadi, baiki kemahiran komunikasi, murnikan hati, pemaaf dan sentiasa bersangka baik.

51. Lelaki harus mempamerkan sifat kelelakiannya di samping memasukkan sifat perempuan dalam dirinya seperti lebih prihatin, memahami emosi , timbang rasa, dan gunakan gerak batin.

52. Perempuan harus mempamerkan sifat kewanitaan disamping menghayati sifat lelaki seperti minat dalam politik, sukan, memancing, dan aktiviti macho yang lain. Bertindak bijak tapi, jangan terlalu bijak. (huh?)

53. Untuk menambat hati wanita, kerap bertanya tentang perasaannya, aktiviti yang dijalankannya, kegemarannya, kebenciannya atau sebarang perkara yang berkaitan dengan emosi.

54. Sebelum benar-benar rapat, orang perempuan harus elakkan diri dari bertanya bakal pasangan mengenai perasaannya mengenai sesuatu perkara, peristiwa atau situasi.

55. Orang lelaki amat pantang bila bakal pasangan menempelak atau menunjukkan kesilapan atau kebodohan lelaki tersebut. Ini cara terbaik memutuskan hubungan.

56. Orang perempuan mudah tertawan kepada lelaki yang boleh mengaku salah, meminta maaf, meminta bantuan, bertolak ansur, pandai mendengar, bersabar dan lemah lembut terhadap wanita.

57. Bila bercakap dengan lelaki, orang perempuan harus fokus kepada fakta dan sampaikan secara ringkas. Penjelasan yang berjela-jela dan memasukkan unsur perasaan akan membunuh minat lelaki terhadapnya.

58. Jika orang perempuan marah, pujuklah dengan kasih sayang. Tanya kenapa dia marah, dengari dengan teliti dan jangan komen atau cuba beri nasihat. Orang perempuan mudah sayang pada lelaki yang pandai mendengar dan sensitif kepada perasaannya.

59. Jika lelaki marah, jangan sibuk nak tanya kenapa dia marah. Pamerkan kasih sayang dan bentuk suasana yang tenang. Doakan dia dan beri masa untuk dia merawat dirinya sendiri.

60. Fahami bahawa orang lelaki bercakap secara terus terang, ringkas dan objektif. Orang perempuan sering bercakap secara berlapik, terperinci dan banyak yang tersirat.

True or false? You decide...

"Are you ok?"

2008-05-24T23:04:00.007+03:00

Apart from the "When are you gonna get hitched?" question, you could say that "Hey, are you alright?" is the second most dreaded question that I loath answering. I know that those who asked me this usually is concerned about my well-being, but I just hate this question because honestly, I don't really know how to answer it!

Normally people would ask me this question when they say that they felt that something is wrong and they could see that I'm bothered by it. You see, I think I'm one of those people who cannot, no matter how hard I thought I have tried, conceal my emotions and moods. Whether I want to or not, it will definitly show in my facial expressions and also my behaviour. I know I am blessed with friends and people who care about me, and I do appreciate the fact that they took the time to inquire about what's wrong with me, but sometimes, it's difficult for me to give them an honest answer because:

1. If I say that I am ok, it will be a straight-up lie! And I hate lying, no matter how trivial it might be, because in the end I will feel bad about it.

2. If I say that I am not ok, then they'll ask "What's wrong?" or "What happened?" Most of the time it's kind of difficult for me to explain why and so forth because I wouldn't be in the mood for it and plus, you know, sometimes I just don't feel like talking about it. And then I'll tell them, "Well, we'll talk about this later ok" but when later comes I wouldn't be in the spirits to talk about it anymore because talking about something that you don't like will only give it power (Hint: read The Secret)...

So, what should I do? Most of the time I would answer, "I'm ok, why do you ask?"... You see, answering a question with a question is a good diversion, I think, and most of the time it works, hehe.... But to the people whom I'm close to and care about, sometimes I do want to confide in them and tell them what is wrong, but sometimes when I think that to get to the main reason of what is the thing that is bothering me I'll have to tell them the whole big fat story from A to Z, I would just sigh and give up and tell them that don't worry, I can handle it or things will sort it out on its own soon. I've been handling and sorting out my own emotional conflicts for most of my life since I was very young without anyone to confide in, that I feel that as long these things can be settled then I'll settle it myself. Only now as I mature and grown up I'm learning to open up and share my feelings with those around me. But I am still cautious with others, because the thing about me is that I don't trust people easily, it takes time, but when I really trust someone it will be with my whole heart and I'll be loyal to them. That is why I always get hurt when I get backstabbed by people who were supposedly to be my friends but was actually being friends with me just for benefits or something else. I really hate it when that happens. I used to trust people easily, and I believed that there's good in everyone. Well, actually I still do believe that everyone has some goodness in them, but from what I've seen more and more I believe that it pays to be cautious, though I refuse to be jaded about life. Life IS beautiful, only if you strive to make it so. Whatever obstacles that you have faced in the past and are facing now will only make you a stronger and better person. I have to believe that that is true. I HAVE TO.

Wow, glad I got that off my chest. Phewwww....

Hurmmmm, the point of this entry? Not really sure, but you can blame it on the hormones though :))
It's lovely to be a female, isn't it? You can put the blame on PMS for all your emotional instabilities... *winks*

Double Dose of Surgery

2008-05-18T19:27:00.014+03:00

Fridays for us are normally non-hectic days, sometimes we won't even have any classes on Fridays. But this week is a totally different story altogether. I had a double dose of surgical rounds; cardiac surgery and also general surgery. Go figure I was zonked out by the time I reached home later in the night...

First up; cardiac surgery. It's actually a part of the general surgery cycle, like thoracic surgery that we had that day. As we were only given only 2 weeks for each of these minor subjects, there wasn't much to see. But we have seen is enough. I mean, I have seen enough to say that no way I'm gonna be a surgeon of any sorts. I mean, I love surgery, but to do it day in day out, having the patients lives in your hands literally, would just be too much for me I guess. But then again, maybe it's too soon to tell. I might have a change of heart once I'm done here, and then again, maybe not. Oh well, we'll see...

The cardiac surgery department is in the same building as the urology and nephrology departments. We were shown the OTs (operating theaters) and the ICU (intensive care unit) wards, where some post-op patients were hooked up to several machines to monitor their vitals. The day before, we've had a lecture about valvular diseases and valve replacements. And so when our assistants showed us the tools and equipments that they are using for the surgeries it made perfect sense for us. I can now say that I've held a biological porcine valve in my hands! (Ok ok, it was in a bottle, so no need to samak or anything like that alright!)

At the end of the show and tell rounds, our doctor assigned one patient each for us, and we have to talk to the patient, do a physical examination and stuff, and she expects us to present our cases next week. I was lucky that my patient was very obliging and he was in a stable condition. He had a coronary bypass and was in his 10th post-op day with no other complications apart from fluid in his pleura which I had the chance to see it myself while he was doing his ecocardiography. At first he was quite hesitant to answer my questions, but after talking to him patiently he began to open up and was being very sweet indeed. You know what I've long since realized eversince we started our clinical rounds; that patients respond to you more if you could relate to them, treat them like their human not just a nameless patient, and have tons of patience especially if they were a bit grumpy in the beginning. Sometimes they are lonely, and sad and depressed, so they would be unwilling to talk to people especially to those nosy know-it-all medical students. Eventhough for me here language is a barrier, but with my level of competency I am still able to get enough information from my patients. Most of the time I would beg their pardon for my paltry command of their language, but almost all of them just shrug it off and said that it didn't matter, as long as we can get the message across with basic words. See? Sweet aren't they?

Next up; general surgery. Well, actually this was optional. But I had the chance to do oncalls with our main prof, so why waste it right. One thing that I love going on rounds with her is that she'll show us some interesting cases and let us see and talk to the patients as we please, just as long as the patients are not complaining of course. By the by, even met my doc-in-charge of our group for normal surgical rounds and he asked me about my friend. Before you jump into conclusions, this was what had happened:

Last week, a friend called and asked for the procedure to see a doctor here, because one of her friends is experiencing pain that was ulcer-like and it's getting worse by the day. You see, he has been having this pain for almost a month now, but he was too scared to g to the hospital to seek medical consult until he couldn't stand the pain anymore. So, I told my friend that I would talk to my doc, and when I talked to my doc he told me to bring the friend over so that he could have a check up. And when he came, my doc said that he needed to have an abdominal x-ray done to check for the cause of the pain upon physical examination that was not indicative ulcer. And after the results were in, he told us the news; the friend's x-ray showed 3 possible differential diagnosis; Appendicitis (which the doc didn't think so), Meckel's diverticulitis, or Crohn's disease which is in the acute phase (this was what he suspected). And as his white cell count was elevated, the doc suggested that he be admitted to the hospital for further investigations and monitorization. At first he said okay, but later on he freaked out and refused to go back to the hospital, and last I heard he's already flown back home to get medical treatment there. The doc had actually advised him against it because the friend was in a critical acute state, but like how they say doctors are the worse patients, it's also true that medical students are the worse patients too. He refused to believe that he was that sick, so he wanted to go back home and confirmed it. Tough. I've nothing to say anymore. It's his decision at his own risk. But I feel that that was a really unwise decision. Thing is, having had classes with my doc-in-charge, I could really say that he is a really good doctor and surgeon and knows what he's doing. He has a fellowship from UK, for goodness sake. And he never made us feel like we were some low life students, in fact he made us feel that we were a part of the team (but only if we made an effort to show that we're interested in medicine, that is). So, imagine how I felt when he said that maybe the friend didn't feel that they were good enough for him. Malu giler, siot...

Well, after the interesting rounds, our prof told us that if we were interested there was going to be an open appendicectomy operation for one of her patients conducted by her resident surgeon. I jumped on the chance and so stayed on to watch the surgery. Real cool. But I was more impressed by the anaesthesiologist actually. She was so calm, cool and collected even when the patient had some complications and they were unable to intubate him because he has respiratory problems. Hmmm...interesting prospect. Another choice for me; anaesthesia perhaps? Pros and cons from you is highly appreciated :) ...

So, when I got home I was so hungry but was too tired to cook anything. Imagine my surprise when Pinky was in my place and suggested we go to McD for dinner/supper. I thot, whaddahek, haven't had a proper meal for the past one week now. It was kinda nice walking around town at night in the cooling spring breeze. I wish that the weather would be as beautiful as this; not too cold and not too warm, but I have a feeling this summer is gonna be the hottest ever. I just hope that they won't have floods this year, not like last 2 years where the floods had practically closed off the roads and train tracks to the capital. The reason for the panic? We had to take the flight back home from the capital, so to miss the flight home is a suppposed nightmare for us here.....tak kira, nak balik jugak! At the time, some were even considering hiring boats to cross that part of the country that was flooded so that they could get to the airport on time, hehehe.... Oh well, luckily the flood subsided and all of us managed to catch our flights and arrived home in one piece....

Oh, and in McD, this was what I had:

and for dessert, this was my obvious choice...

"It ain't heavy, it's my dinner..." Abis ler keras arteri koronari ku....

Sinful Berries

2008-05-15T15:37:00.010+03:00

Here it is, the most highly anticipated season of the year....

Yessss!! The STRAWBERRY season is here at last!!

I just loooooove strawberries, I think they are the most heavenly fruit ever existed. But mind you I'm talking only about the sweet succulent juicy ones that practically melts in your mouth as you take the first bite...yummmmmmm.....

Ways to enjoy this yummilicious fruit:

Uh oh, that's it! I am so running to the market to grab meself some fresh ones for dessert tonight...

p/s: Just out of curiosity, is it normal for a person to consume 1kg of strawberries in one sitting without developing any gastro-intestinal symptoms after that? If it's not, then thank goodness I'm abnormal!! *winks*

Anime Dreams

2008-05-15T03:11:00.015+03:00

I had a dream.....

That I was her...

Saving the world from the evil villains....

But as my powers were draining, I was then saved by him...

And then we lived happily ever after.....

SHEEEEESH!! That's it!! No more anime for me anymore!

Apahal lah pulak mimpi pasal Sailormoon tetiba je ni?! Isk, sabar je lah...

Band Geek Alert!

2008-05-15T01:58:00.015+03:00

What can I say? Once a band geek, always a band geek. No matter that the practice sessions were long, vigorous and hard (and sometimes till late nite too); no matter that I was so tanned that it still amazes me I haven't developed skin melanoma yet; and it didn't even mattered that I was labeled a band geek back then. In fact, I was proud of it! In all honesty, joining the school band actually made me stay sane through out high school. Well, not that high school was terrible or anything like that, but being stuck in a boarding school for months one can easily develop boredom hence the unhealthy activities. But because band activities kept me busy most of the time, the only thing that was left to do was to study. See? Who said that being involved in extra curricular activities will be bad for your studies? In fact, I find that it's the opposite. If one is active in co-curricular stuff i.e. sports, band, cheerleading, clubs etc, it actually teaches oneself to be disciplined and focused because in order to be good at something you need to practice, a lot. And that leaves almost no time for dilly dallying and hanging out with no purpose. Well, ok, I admit, we do hang out and do other stuff, but that was only once in a while and only when we have free time (which was almost never!). And another benefit of joining these activities is that it gives us the chance to mingle and interact with our peers, and teaches us to be team players and for some, exceptional leaders. So, a note to parents; do encourage your children to join these extra curricular activities, because they'll do them good more than harm, and like yours truly, the basic principles that were taught back then are still with me forever and always.

Huhuhu.... Oh gosh...how I missed the good ole days! Here are some songs that sure do bring back memories....

NOVENA

SEAGATE OVERTURE

CENTURIA

EXALTATION

Malaguena

and last but not least...

CENTERFOLD

n.b. These were taken from Youtube, and none are from my high school. They are just songs that we used to play for concerts and performances, including the upbeat Centerfold!

UPDATE!
I might just be here, insyaallah...

Death of a Cell Phone vs. Superstitious Crap

2008-04-22T20:20:00.012+03:00

Arghhhhhhh……my cell phone broke down! Well actually it’s still in a good condition EXCEPT for the fact that the internal LCD is now all blue!! It was such a sad day for me when I could no longer use it anymore. But I guess 4 years is just pushing it too far. Yup, it’s that old my baby is. Maybe it’s high time that I upgraded to another. Oh dear, now I have to get a new one. Another chunk of my expenses going down the drain… And dang! I loved my Samsung baby!!

Do you believe in superstitions? Well, I for one don’t really believe them. But try as I might there is ONE superstition that seems to be eerily accurate, well for me at least. Wanna know what it is?

………Have you ever heard people telling you that you shouldn’t say it out loud that you’re going to get something new to replace the old but still good one, i.e. cars, cell phones etc ? I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve heard it often enough from my friends and family that I shouldn’t do that because just as soon as you said it, the object that you were talking about will immediately started acting up! Really, I kid you not. Thing is, it happened to me so many times that sometimes I do wonder if there’s some truth in it…

Ok, here’s an example. Let’s say that unconsciously you were talking to your friends that “I’m thinking of buying a new car. Although this one is still ok maybe it’s time for me to sell it and get the latest model.”…. And then, out of the blue, your smooth running mileage saving regularly serviced baby on wheels would suddenly cough out black smoke or even worse, stopped in the middle of traffic due to engine failure, as soon as the very next day! It might sound like a load of crap to all of you, but it had happened so many times to me (car, camera, cd player...) that it’s hard for me to disregard this superstition completely.

That was what happened to my phone too. Yeah ok, I admit that I was looking around and contemplating to get the latest model, or at least something newer than my current baby (Samsung SGH E330), which is old enough that now the production has been discontinued ;-P …. So yeah, that I did. But I was still very attached to my Samsung baby and up till yesterday it was working perfectly fine, and thought that maybe if I were to get a new one I’d might as well buy it at home rather than getting it here. Seriously. I never had any problems at all with my baby. Nada. So imagine my surprise and grief when my baby’s screen suddenly went all blue when I flipped it open…. Huwaaaaaa!!!

There were no words to describe how I felt at the time. It went beyond sadness, as I couldn’t help blaming myself for what happened. If only I didn’t say that I wanted to get a new phone, if only I didn’t tell my friends that I should get a new phone, if only, if only, if only… Dang the superstition!!!

And the saddest part is that, all of the photos in my Samsung baby couldn’t be accessed coz stupid me hadn’t had the time to upload them onto my lappie (left the cable back home), and now it’s all gone! Double dang!!

So, goodbye my darling baby... Thank you for the times we've spent together, thank you for the late nights, wild times & crazy adventures, and thank you for putting up with my crap all these years.....

You'll always be in my heart and dreams........ I LOVE YOU!! *mmmuaaaaahhhh*

I NEED A NEW CELL PHONE, PRONTO!!!

p/s: Currently using my darling G’s old Nokia phone. Thanks dear, will return it back to you as soon as I get meself a new baby, okie…

The Language of Women

2008-04-17T01:41:00.004+03:00

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish ....................................................49
Adventurous ........................................Slept with all your friends
Athletic .................................................No boobs
Average looking ...................................Ugly
Beautiful ...............................................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile .................................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure .............................On medication
Feminist ...............................................Fat
Free spirit ............................................Junkie
Friendship first ...................................Former slut
Fun .......................................................Annoying
Gentle ..................................................Dull
New Age ..............................................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded .....................................Desperate
Outgoing ..............................................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate ...........................................Sloppy drunk
Poet ......................................................Depressive
Professional .........................................Bitch
Romantic .............................................Frigid
Voluptuous ..........................................Very Fat
Large frame ........................................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate ................................Stalker
Widow ..................................................Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside...

hahahahaha.....no wonder they say women are complex beings!! ROFL

Of Marriages And Children

2008-04-05T23:52:00.024+03:00

When a guy and a girl meets, when there's chemistry and attraction, then they would go out as a couple for a while until they'd be asked this inevitable question... "So, when are you guys getting married?"

And then when they have finally decided to jump on the marriage band wagon and thought that they are safe, the next question that would most often be asked is... "So, when are you guys gonna have children?"

Has that always been the way it is? The questions, I mean... When you're single people would be wondering when you're going to tie the knot, and when you're already married people would be wondering when you are going to have children. Yes, it is the norm to have children after you're married, but then there are couples who have decided to totally forgo the idea of having any children. The reasons? Maybe due to their careers, or maybe they just simply are not ready for it financially and emotionally. Whom are we to judge them? It's their lives, and they are the ones who should know better on how to dictate and lead their lives as they see fit.

Be as it might, I am always at loss for words whenever I encounter these so called 'concerned' individuals that are so thoughtless and insensitive by asking those questions. Especially when the couple had been trying to conceive but to no avail, and the 'kind' inquiries about children are just painful to bear. Plus being in our community, if you're still childless even after years of marriage somehow or rather the blame would be put on the wives... "Oh, she's infertile, she can't have babies...", although most often than not the husbands are also partly to be blamed. And by putting the blame on the wives inadvertently this gives the husbands a chance to marry again so that his lineage will be preserved. Hmmmm....masa ni lah baru nak pegang fatwa kitab, tapi tang bab lain hampeh. Typical, typical...

Take a friend of mine, for example. She has been married for almost 5 years now, but as yet no children of their own though not for want of trying. Life has been unbearable due to the fact that her in-laws had actually blamed her for not being able to conceive, although there is substantial proof that there is nothing wrong with her at all. So, in this case the husband should also make an effort to go and check if the problem lies with him, right? Well, being the typical M man with their male egos he refused to be checked at all and wouldn't mind that his wife bears the blame and accusations laid upon her for their childless state. I really do not envy her, and if I were in her shoes I think I would be counting the days till my sanity would leave me. But then again, I guess that is what happens when one is afraid not to be married at a certain age and in the end rushes into a marriage with a guy that one barely knows and, might I add, could barely tolerate. Just to conform to society, just so that other people would not look down at her and took pity of her wallflower status.

Such is life. Sometimes I do ponder upon its intricacies. About those who yearns to have children but not being able to, those who didn't plan to have anymore children but ended up being pregnant anyways due to a lapse in their OCP regime or faulty IUDs, and those whom are blessed with healthy perfect children but fails to give proper care and abuses their children, or worse, flushing their unwanted babies/foetuses down the toilet. Oh gosh, the last scenario really gives me the chills. And for the life of me I can't understand how people can just ignore the well-being of their children.

Children, are God's gift to oneself. They are a part of you, they carry your genes and they are your descendants. They are fragile and pure when they were first brought into this world, and it is our responsibility as adults to shape them into thoughtful, strong, kind, confident, humble human beings. Lead by example, and they would be your greatest achievement...

And for those who have nothing else better to do than stick their noses in other people's affairs, here's a kind advice: GET A LIFE.

Jokes Of The Day

2008-04-04T17:52:00.009+03:00

In the Biology exam paper, the teacher asks the students to draw a female reproductive organ.

One girl looks shy, blushes and looks down.....

A guy shouts, "Sir, she's copying!!"

*******************************

WIFE: Honey, the doctor said I have a cute vagina!

HUSBAND to DOC: How dare you!! You're a heart doctor, how did you know my wife has a cute vagina?

DOC: Huh? I said she has ACUTE ANGINA!

LOL!

The HIPPOCRATIC OATH

2008-04-04T15:45:00.007+03:00

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures which are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.

- The modern version of the Hippocratic Oath was written in 1964 by Louis Lasagna, Dean of the School of Medicine at Tufts University -

A Day In The ER

2008-04-04T15:02:00.007+03:00

Well, actually not really a day, but for a few hours I had stationed myself in the ER dept for another oncall. It was kinda interesting to observe and see how things operate here compared to most of the ERs back home. Endless endless patients pouring in through the door with various causes of emergency alarm, though interestingly enough most of the cases that I saw today was due to dysuria and and renal colic pain. Wonder what's up with that....

Anyways, as I was observing and helping out wherever I can in there, it suddenly struck me how disheartening it was to see some patients that came in from the countryside with poor hygiene and ragged clothings. Moreover, this one elderly guy came in to the ER from one of the surgical wards complaining of pain in the distal right leg (that suspiciously looked like superficial thrombophlebitis) and also on the left foot, and when he took off his shoes all of us were shocked to see that his toes were sooo dirty and muddy that when we asked him how it came to be (when he was just supposed to come from the surgical clinic which was only 2 blocks away) he only told us nonchalantly that his shoes had a hole in them where the seams had gave out, and that's why the mud from the streets could get in! And when they asked him why he didn't thought of getting new shoes, he just said, "What for?! I can still walk in this one, and I'd rather walk barefoot than starve to death..." Sigh....never before had the reality of life hit me so powerfully than what he had just said. And you wanna know what happened next? My supervisor, a resident doctor there, actually took out some cash from her wallet and gave it to him "for you to buy new shoes, ok sir".....

Then and there it hit me; the reality of what being a doctor entails. A doctor not only heals the body, but as a human being we could and also should help whenever and wherever it was needed. Although my supervisor were not obligated to help out that man financially, but the fact that she did, with no one's prompting and out of the goodness of her heart, made me realise that that is the kind of doctor that I want to be; empathic, kind, humane and ethical. Would I be that kind of doctor, could I? Would I still have the patience and remain calm and not explode due to tiredness even after 36-hours on the job? I wish I could say "Yes, I will!" for certain, but I am after all human. We make mistakes, that's undeniable. But as doctors we can't afford to make mistakes that could cause us lives. And as dilligent and careful we will try to be, there will still be the possibility that things can go wrong. So the only thing to do is do the best that we could do in that moment of time hoping and praying that it is enough, while not forgetting that life is fragile and we are but servants of God.

And above all else, I swear and abide by the Hippocratic Oath...

Aerobics Time!

2008-04-04T13:47:00.013+03:00

Aerobics is a form of exercise that comprises rhythmic aerobic exercise with stretching and strength training routines with the goal of improving all elements of fitness (flexibility, muscular strength, and cardio-vascular fitness). It is usually performed to music in a group setting led by an instructor, although it can be practiced solo and without musical accompaniment. With the goal of preventing physical illness, practitioners go through variable routines comprising a number of different dance-like exercises.

Formal aerobics 'classes' led by aerobics instructors are often divided into beginner, intermediate and advanced classes, with different routines and fitness goals for each, and many aerobics classes allow participants to select their level of participation according to their fitness level. A primary reason for engaging in aerobics is weight loss. Although aerobics is typically practiced to music, it is not to be confused with jazzercise or other dance-based workouts.

The word Aerobics means "using oxygen". When you do an aerobic exercise, like Soccer, basketball, running, or Aerobics, you are breathing. The oxygen passes through your body, as opposed to using up the bodily storage like you do during Sprinting, or bench pressing. Eventually, the muscles are filled with lactic acid, which then takes rest to flush away.

(taken from wikipedia.org, the free encyclopedia and pic courtesy from the world wide web)

Yesssss!!! Finally managed to drag my butt to the gym yesterday and attended an aerobics class. It goes to show how long since I've been to one and how out of shape I was when at the end of the session I was trembling all over and my knees were shaking, literally! Brownie and I really had a good time though, and we decided to sign up for their classes. They have aerobics, step aerobics, tae bo and also pilates. As we walked back home after gym (though for me it felt more like "floating" home, that light I felt my body was), we talked about the possibilities of going to the pilates classes too for muscle stretching and strengthening. Well, maybe not this week or weekend though, but maybe starting next week onwards I definitely wanna explore the classes that they are offering there. And it did help a bit that the instructor was cute! :D

Oooohhh....it feels so good to do something that releases the endorphins, that makes nothing else matters (including the fact that I've been getting weird vibes from someone close and seems to make me feel invisible lately, dunno the reason why though *shrugs*). Oh well, I guess that's life. You can't please everybody and it's unrealistic to expect everyone else to follow your standards. But even so, a little bit of respect as friends and a little bit of give and take would be nice, don't you think? Maybe I am just too tired of playing head games, gossiping and discussing about trivial matters when there are other more important things that you have to deal with. Hmmm...guess I am a bit too old for these young and able bodied individuals here around me. Sometimes I just had to stop myself from shaking them and telling them to grow up! Patience, Melle, patience....Those would be the times that I had to reach down inside of me and reminded myself that maybe even I was that irksome and annoying when I was at their age. Though we all might go through the same things, we are all different, there's no two individuals that are alike. And if we find like-minded souls that understands us, then we would be truly truly blessed....

Uh oh, I've digressed. The point for this post was supposed to be about aerobics.

And so, I just wanna say.....

IT'S AEROBICS TIME, YEAH!!

August Rush

2008-03-31T22:35:00.008+03:00

omg omg omg omg....

There are no proper words I could use to describe this movie, except that personally I think it is just AWE-INSPIRING, EXCEPTIONAL, MOVING, and truly truly truly EXCELLENT...

There are a lot of elements in this movie that truly touched me; the idea of music is everywhere and around us if only one would just listen, of love at first sight and still holding to that feeling even after years had gone by, and of the fact that there's no greater feeling then being able to feel belonged to someone, in this case even more so for this boy whom have been feeling lost and alone all of his life while waiting and believing that one day he will be reunited with his parents if they can only hear his music.

Go watch it and judge for yourself. Maybe to some people there are parts in this movie that feels too mystical for their taste, but watch it with an open mind and open heart, and you'll be surprised yourself of the emotions that would wash over you in the end...

Here is the part that I loved the most in this movie. Had tears in my eyes all through this part, it was just so wonderful and moving. Oh, just go and watch it, will ya!

PCD Rocks!!

2008-03-30T04:21:00.010+03:00

Saw this back then in 2005, I think, when PCD made their live onstage performance on Fashion Rocks. They were an unknown group back then, but as soon as I saw this I could feel it in my bones that they would make it big. And look at them now....

Oh gosh, they just blew me away with this performance and I never grew tired of watching it...

Surgery vs Emergency

2008-03-30T02:31:00.030+02:00

Went for an oncall today with our resident surgeon here. As today is a weekend, there weren't too many cases that came in as opposed to in the weekdays. Actually this was my third oncall, the first two were done with our previous lecturers last semester. We decided to leave after the last patient from the emergency that came in for trauma was brought to the hospital and admitted, and we decided to come back again next day to check on him as was advised by our assistant. And so I went back and went ahead to start preparing and making my baked pasta for our friends' birthday party tonight. I promise I will give an update later about how it went okie...

Actually, I am not really sure in which department I am going to do my presentation for the licensing exam at the end of medical school later. Though I still have a couple more years to go, we were asked to choose a department/topic now so that we can start as early as possible and not do things at the last minute. So, my dilemma now is whether to do it under the surgery department OR in the emergency department. Honestly, in my opinion surgery is very interesting, but so is emergency too. They even have professionals whom specializes in the emergency department here. Prior to this I thought of doing it in the genetics department (which was my major in college), but the emergency field seems, for now, to be very very interesting and something that I can imagine myself specializing one day. Hmmmmm...I wish they have an infectious/tropical disease department here though, so that I can compare and identify which field could be my forte one day. Huh.. decisions, decisions.....

Another weekend passing by so bloody fast. Can't anyone invent a time stopper/decelarator device? Urgently needing them before June comes visiting!

n.b. Need to get surgical scrubs to be able to enter the OT. Which colour would be suitable huh? Isk isk, more decisions *shakes head*...

Another Day In Paradise...Not!

2008-03-26T01:21:00.011+02:00

Wow, Surgery class was good. Had the chance to watch a laparoscopic cholecystectomy procedure carried out by our prof. Initial investigations showed only cholelithiasis, but during surgery they found out that the patient's gallbladder is filled with pus - empyema. Other than that he also had adhesions from previous abdominal surgery. Oh, and I think somebody is pissed with us because the prof seems to be paying more attention to us than their own kind. Hah, tough luck. Normally we will be sidelined but at least this time we rule! *laughs evilly*

Hmmmm....Was feeling a wee bit carniverous today, so it didn't take a lot of persuasion by Pinkie to have brunch at one of the halal joints near the uni during the break. Heavenly meat, alas. FYI this was my first proper meal in, oh, 4 days I think. Been surviving on fruits, chocolate bars, cereals and yoghurt these past few days. Too lazy and got no time to cook. Bad Melle, very bad...

Was and still am feeling baffled when friends and classmates started to come up to me and telling me that I've lost weight. I mean, come on, it can't be that I've lost that much kilos in one weekend, can it? Hmmmm....maybe it's due to the fact that there had been a fair amount of walking done in these past 2 months. Since it's a nice walk from home to the not-so-near hospitals and when the weather is superb, I much prefer to walk rather than taking the bus/tram. I guess those 20-30 minutes walk uphill/downhill really did me good, didn't it? But the funny thing was, I wasn't even trying to lose weight though I've wanted to but could not really do it in the past. Someone even made a remark saying that they noticed that I eat more when I'm depressed and less when I'm happy. Well, I guess it's true. And go figure, I am content nowadays. Content with my life, content with the fact that I am living the life that I've chosen for myself and doing the things that I wanted to. My life is my own to dictate, and I couldn't care less what others whom are so wholly unrelated to me want to say. The only thing that matters is that I value what the people that I love thinks, and that's what most important for me. Other than that, they can all go fly kites as far as I'm concerned... Hah!

Teddy didn't come to Urology class today. Hope he's ok. Am still in bemusement whenever I'm recalling yesterday's conversation with him. I was so touched when he asked me if things are ok and told me that he will do whatever he can do to help if only I asked for it. Said that he knew something was wrong at the beginning of the semester itself, but he didn't want to intrude. Awwww...so sweet... But, sorry Teddy, it was too personal to share it with you. Maybe one day, or, maybe never :)

Patch and Kruger made a remark in class that made me laugh. They told the prof that their friend, Bahlul, was absent. It was in jest of course, and the guy in question wasn't around. But the thing that was funny was that they thought no one else except for their own kind would understand the word. That's why when I first heard it I thought I had heard it wrongly, but when they kept repeating it I couldn't help myself and just burst out laughing! You should see the expressions on their faces when they realised I understood it. Haven't I told them like a million times that our language had incorporated their mother-tongue long long time ago? Talk about clueless, tsk tsk... Alamak, takleh nak ngumpat depan-depan diorang lah pulak lepas ni. Aiseymen... :(

Oh, and another thing, Pinkie and Brownie are considering to have a new hairdo and asked for my opinion. I told them to go for it if they really want to, but just make sure that they go to the right stylist to get the look that they want. Else it'll be a disaster. Mmmmm...well who knows, I might be considering cutting my hair too! But of course, it'll be done by none other than yours truly, as usual. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

Current Cravings... (Part 1)

2008-03-24T16:30:00.023+02:00

Being away from the motherland this long, sooner or later one will definitely develop cravings for the local made-in-Malaysia dishes. And here are my top 5 (for now at least *wink wink*) :-

1. Nasi Ayam (Chicken Rice) - Especially the one that my grandma used to make.... yummmmmm...... I could probably make this here but due to the fact that the sweet soya sauce (kicap cap kipas) which is used to marinate the chicken is not available here and my stock is very precious and limited, I'm kind of hesitant to use it all up in one go. Kedekutnya, hehehe...

2. Soto Ayam (Chicken soup with pressed steamed rice) - Hearty chicken broth with spices served with pressed compact rice, potato meatballs and condiments in the cold rainy weather...what's not good about that?

3. Laksa Assam/Penang - The sourness, the spicyness, the tangyness, and the fishiness... and have it with a serving of shrimp paste....oh my....

4. Halal KFC - Hot & Spicy, the way I like it! Sehingga menjilat jari... :P

5. Air Kelapa Muda (Fresh Coconut Juice) - Darn refreshing this one is...my all-time favourite refreshment.

to be continued.... :))

n.b. Am definitely going to Carrefour tomorrow to grab some fresh halal chicken, be it rain or shine..... Really feeling "cuckoo" nowadays, better not start clucking or else my roomie is gonna go call the psych dept. ;D

-pics were taken from various sources from the world wide web-

A State Of Mind

2008-03-24T15:18:00.007+02:00

Temporary Insanity:
n. in a criminal prosecution, a defense by the accused that he/she was briefly insane at the time the crime was committed and therefore was incapable of knowing the nature of his/her alleged criminal act. Temporary insanity is claimed as a defense whether or not the accused is mentally stable at the time of trial. One difficulty with a temporary insanity defense is the problem of proof, since any examination by psychiatrists had to be after the fact, so the only evidence must be the conduct of the accused immediately before or after the crime. It is similar to the defenses of "diminished capacity" to understand one's own actions, the so-called "Twinkie defense," the "abuse excuse," "heat of passion" and other claims of mental disturbance which raise the issue of criminal intent based on modern psychiatry and/or sociology. However, mental derangement at the time of an abrupt crime, such as a sudden attack or crime of passion, can be a valid defense or at least show lack of premeditation to reduce the degree of the crime.

taken from Law.com dictionary

Yup, I plead the fifth. I was, unbeknownst to me at the time, acting irrationally, hastily, and so out of my character that others around me seemed to notice it too. I don't know what had happened; maybe I was simply lonely, or maybe, I was abducted by aliens and was brainwashed by them to accept the very thing that I have opposed and tried to avoid all this time. Call it whatever you want; temporary insanity, partial lapsed of judgement, or even plain craziness; one fact still remain though, by doing what I thought was abtaining and securing my happiness, I have inadvertantly hurt some people with my actions and choices.

And so, here it is:

I AM SORRY, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, TO WHOMEVER THAT HAD BEEN HURT FOR WHAT I DID AT THE TIME. I HAVE NO EXCUSES FOR WHAT I'VE DONE, EXCEPT TO SAY THAT IT WAS REALLY REALLY STUPID, AND I HONESTLY HAVE NEVER EVER INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE. I WAS BLIND, I WAS WRONG, AND THANK GOD I REALISED MY MISTAKES AND STOPPED THINGS BEFORE IT GOT ANY FURTHER.
I VOW AND PROMISE, THAT I WILL NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN, NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHER PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS, NOT WHEN I CAN'T BE HONEST WITH THE PEOPLE THAT I LOVE. NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN. I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON, AND I'M STRONGER BECAUSE OF IT.

And now, it's already out in the open. In my defense, all contacts with D have been severed since earlier this year itself, and have stopped communications to avoid unnecessary complications since then. And the reason why suddenly this thing resurfaced? I have a niggling feeling that some people just doesn't understand the word "No" and "That's it". Hmmm....maybe I should have said it in several different languages so that I could get my point across...

Berapa kali dah nak cakap, orang dah kata tak nak tu tak nak lah! Apa tak paham-paham bahasa jugak ke?! Dah lah tu, leave me alone and let me be. Let me find my happiness my own way without having to sacrifice my own principles and myself. And if you (sesapa yg terasa la) ever think of nak cari pasal with me or my family, think again. You don't wanna mess with me, trust me. So for your sake, better kau blah.....

THE END.

Visiting The Land Of ZZZZZZZ.....

2008-03-16T01:56:00.011+02:00

What are dreams? Are they just plain nonsensical scenarios played out when you were in your REM sleep, or is it your unconscious mind that's giving you signals unconsciously? And so, what are nightmares, then? Scary dreams?

The reason I asked is because I had another restless night courtesy of a very vivid dream. Funnily enough, as vivid as it were, when I woke up I could only remember bits and pieces of it. What I could remember was that almost all of my family members were in it. Almost ALL of them, close and extended, from both sides of my parents. Imagine how crowded it was, hehe...

Well, let me see if I can recall the dream... Something about the world being in a state of frenzy, like there was an outbreak of a virulent virus spread by a group of power-hungry aliens leading to a global war of some sort, where all of us (the family) were congregating at my late grandparents' place in the middle of the kebun getah (rubber plantation), and surprise surprise, the fate of the world rests in my hands in finding the cure for the viral outbreak because, *smirks*, I AM a brilliant virologist!!

Oh man, I think the dream was a sure sign that I have watched too much of Stargate SG1! Finally finished watching 10 seasons of that sci-fi series in 1 month. No wonder I'm having dreams related to aliens/paranormal situations. Sheesh....

And if you're wondering, YES, I am a sci-fi freak. Restricted to TV series and movies only though. Will tell you in detail about this in the next post because I think it deserves its own post space and title, and plus, at least I'll have a reason to update this blog.

So good night, sweet dreams, and hope I could finally get a peaceful and dreamless REM sleep tonight...

Life's Painful Lessons

2008-03-11T14:11:00.004+02:00

That's it, I am officially done...

No more wondering, no more restless nights, no more thinking about the what ifs, and no more hoping. I had thought that "This is it, he's the one"..... But oh boy, was I wrong. Again. How could something so right be so wrong? But then again, there's no one else to blame but me for being so gullible and trusting. Should've learned from past mistakes, need to be more ruthless now. Whoa, behold the female hulk!

I'M DONE. With everything that is related to the matters of the heart. No more, not anymore. Enough is enough. There's only so many times a person can take it, and as mine is as fragile as it is, I'd better withdraw from all this before it is shattered into pieces yet again. Okay, heart, I'm gonna take good care of you from now on, so please please please drum that happy beat of yours that I've missed for so long now.....

No, I am not giving up. But at the same time, I'm done hoping either. It is what it is, and life goes on. I need to be the captain of my own lifeboat if don't want it to be lost at sea ever again. Even if there's an emptiness inside that longs to belong to someone and that someone belongs to me, and even if the biological ticking is so loud that it is deafening, never again would I go through all this unless it's gonna be really worth it. Hmmm...looks like it's gonna be a long dreary summer.....

"Stronger"

I'll make it through the rainy days

I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest

When my landscape changes, rearranges

I'll be stronger than i've ever been

No more stillness, more sunlight,

Everything's gonna be alright

I know that there's gonna be a change

Better find your way out of your fear

If you wanna come with me

Then that's the way it's gotta be

I'm all alone and finally

I'm getting stronger

You'll come to see

Just what I can be

I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out

Like emotion that's been captured in a maze

I had my ups and downs

Trials and tribulations,

I overcome it day by day,

Feeling good and almost powerful

A new me, that's what i'm looking for

I didn't know what I had to do

I just knew I was alone

People around me

But they didn't care

So I searched into my soul

I'm not the type of girl that will let them see her cry

It's not my style

I get by

See i'm gonna do this for me

-Sugababes-

Strength Of A Woman

2008-03-11T14:09:00.003+02:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape, but ... A woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything, but ... A woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her, but ... A woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future, but ... A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks surefootedly, but ... A woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face, but ... A woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey, but ... A woman of strength has faith that in the journey she will become strong.

-anonymous-

So, which one should I be? A strong woman or a woman of strength? Or a little bit of both? Sometimes its easier to be none of the above, and sometimes one doesn't have a choice but to be strong and have the strength to go on living. At times it's exhilarating when others tell you that you're strong, but at times you just wish that you weren't.
The highway of life is not a straight one, it is full of twists and turns and bumps. So really, you don't have any choice but to get up and get going even after you've had that nasty fall. And so, does that makes you a strong person, or a person with strengths, or someone who has no choice but to deal with life's lessons no matter how hard it is? Hmmm, I wonder.....

Just A Little Reminder...

2008-01-25T10:56:00.001+02:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant.

Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man - nothing more, nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. « LOL!

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships.

There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. « +1

Dating is fun - even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies. You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
P/S: Taken from EL.

Numerology Personal Profile

2008-01-20T01:36:00.000+02:00

OVERVIEW

There are several different sides to your character but your energy is primarily pointed in two contrary directions. A good part of you is free-spirited and adventurous -- at least in spirit but often in fact -- and doesn't want to be restrained in any way. Another strong side of you tends to be introspective and reserved, concerned with inner needs and private projects. During your youth and young adulthood, you'll struggle to balance your need to do your own thing with enthusiasm and excitement with the equally strong necessity of spending time alone in study or contemplation. You'll probably sometimes take care of one and sometimes the other, but rarely to your complete satisfaction. As you get older, you'll probably learn how to balance your free-spirited side with your studious, solitary side so that you can feel comfortable with both.

YOUR FREE-WHEELING CREATIVITY -- HOW IT WORKS FOR AND AGAINST YOU

Your 5 Life Path And 3 Birthday

You were born with considerable versatility -- the ability to do almost anything you attempt with superior skill. As you can imagine, this innate capacity allows you a boundless freedom most people can only dream about. One of your major lessons in life is to learn to use this freedom constructively. Since you have so many talents and so many opportunities for the use of those talents, you probably have to learn to focus your energies on a limited number of ventures rather than attempt to take advantage of all the possibilities.

When you want to, you can express your joy in living by socializing, either with many friends in varied activities or in the company of a few intimates engaged in quiet diversions. You probably also express yourself in some form of creative activity.

YOUR FINE ANALYTICAL MIND, SPIRITUAL AWARENESS -- AND INTROSPECTIVE SIDE

Your 7 Expression

That versatile and creative side is a primary part of your makeup. There are other aspects of your personality which contribute to the overall picture even though they're of lesser influence than your versatile side. If there are any conflicts between your free-spirited traits and the other characteristics, your free-spirited side usually wins out.

You have a fine analytical mind and are capable of much in the way of learning. Others will recognize your potential to understand fundamental truths as well as your capacity to search for ultimate meanings. They may turn to you for your knowledge and, perhaps, the benefits of your wisdom, too. You may choose a line of work involving complex technical, scientific or philosophical studies. You probably also spend time working to achieve the peace of mind that is important to you.

whoa, freakingly true....

The Art Of Letting Go

2008-01-07T17:51:00.001+02:00

THE ART OF LETTING GO
(as sent by a friend...thanks shirn!)

Dr. Alan Zimmerman's Comments:

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappoint you in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt you. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger you. It's inevitable.

Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stew over someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, you're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get. You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slipping away. And you'll find your productivity slowing down as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it.

Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick. So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Even though the other person maybe at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

In other words, other people do not "cause" your feelings. You choose them.

For example, two different people could be told that their suggestions made at the staff meeting were "stupid and idiotic." One person may" choose" to feel so hurt that he never speaks up at any other meeting again. The other person may "choose" to feel sorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn't see the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROM DISAPPOINTMENT. It's difficult to do, but it's possible.

The famous 19th century Scottish historian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that.

After working on his multi-volume set of books on "The French Revolution" for six years, Carlyle completed the manuscript and took volume one to his friend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it. Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw the manuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went to Carlyle's house to tell him that his work had been destroyed. Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he aid, “That’s all right, Mill. These things happen. It is a part of life. I will start over. I can remember most of it, I am sure. Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go, my friend! Do not feel bad."

As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window. Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not want him to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." And with a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript is gone, so I had better start writing again."

Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks as one of the great classics of all time. He had learned to walk away from his disappointment.

After all, what could Carlyle have done about his burnt manuscript? Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected the manuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitter or get started.

And what can you do about anything once it is over? Not much. You can try to correct it if it is possible, or you can walk away from it if it isn't. Those are your only two choices.

Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and step up.

It's like the farmer who had an old mule who fell into a deep dry well. As he assessed the situation, he knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deep well. So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well. After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, so he could solve two problems at once. He could put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled. The farmer asked his neighbours to help him with the shovelling. To work they went. As they threw shovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on the mule's back, the mule became frightened. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on his back, he would shake it off and step up. Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shake it off and step up. In not too long a time, the exhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of the well and through the crowd.

That's the same approach we all need to take. We need to shake it offend step up.

Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It’s difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong. Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behaviour is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehaviour. Forgiveness is about letting yourself off the emotional hook. It’s about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours. It’s about letting go of the past so you can go forward to the future. Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the job is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you’ll be way ahead of most people. You'll be able to live above and beyond your circumstances.

Action:
Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, or angered you. If possible, select two people towards whom you still have some bitterness. Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me? Am I happier holding on to it? Do I sleep better? Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"... If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make decision. Actually decide to let it go .Walk away from the disappointment -- which means you no longer dwell on it or talk about it.

Period!

What Element Is Your Love?

2007-12-30T16:32:00.001+02:00

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner.
For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.

You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.
Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.

Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.
You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.

You connect best with: Earth

Avoid: Fire

You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

What Element Is Your Love? www.blogthings.com/whatelementisyourlovequiz/

Battle Of The Tests

2007-11-25T12:45:00.002+02:00

This past few weeks have been HELL. Literary. Personal issues notwithstanding, we have been having class tests for almost each subject, and it's at least 2 tests every week. Crazy. And then there's the class presentations. It's like as if all of our lecturers are having a tug-of-war competition with our schedule. Unbelieveable. We were practically walking zombies in the campus, especially the people in my group. With our packed morning to evening class schedule, it's a wonder that I am still able to even remember to eat and chew my food, although more than often it's on the run. Arghhh... I am slowly going nuts!!....

WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING HERE?!!

n.b. ECGs... I'm dreaming about ECGs nowadays, urghh... *facepalms*

I'm In Deep Sh*t...

2007-11-25T10:54:00.001+02:00

(A self-recriminating work)

I'm in deep sh*t
Aging by the minute and still a lonely soul walking on this earth

I'm in deep sh*t
Have really fallen for a good friend
Giving me hopes and making promises for our future

I'm in deep sh*t
When all those were only empty words
He just went away without saying goodbye
And was left nursing a broken heart on my own

I'm in deep sh**
Since then have sworn off men
Vowed never again to trust them anymore
Building an imprenetrable shield around this wounded heart
Preparing for a future with a beloved temperamental cat and tons of books

I'm in deep sh*t
Then someone suddenly just had to come along
Prying open this heart with the gentlest of touch
Though there is NO way that it's gonna work between us
Different circumstances, existing complications, miles apart
But he just doesn't seem to get it at all when I said "It's over..."

So now, I'm in deep sh*t
Fallen for someone unavailable, again
Never expected this, never wanted this
Couldn't see a future with us, could never be with him
But how does one tell the heart to stop caring voluntarily?
How does one prepare oneself with the knowledge that by letting him go you're letting go of your happiness too?
How do you do that?

It's official then, I AM IN DEEP SH*T...

Questions Couples Should (or Wished They Had) Ask Before Marrying

2007-11-25T10:41:00.000+02:00

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other's friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

Eid Mubarak

2007-10-14T11:35:00.001+03:00

After one month of fasting in the holy month of Ramadhan now comes the most awaited celebration (well, at least for us malaysians ). Eid. For 4 years now I haven't had the chance to celebrate eid with my family and friends back home due to study commitments. One would say eid is eid, no matter where you and whom you spend it with, but as most of my countrymen would tell you the eid celebration back home is, in another word, "havoc lah"...

The day would start with getting up, cleaned and dressed with our newly bought clothes, going to the mosque for the eid prayers and then back home for some heavy-duty breakfast feast. Well, I don't know about the others, but when my family gets together we'll just eat and eat and eat. One can be sure that there'll be no shortage of food supply at my grandparents' place when we congregate there, be it eid or almost every weekend.

And after (or sometimes before) that, the most important part of the day starts. It's the part where we will all sit around and go to each person to ask for forgiveness for all of our wrongdoings from each other. The sequence would be starting from the oldest son/daughter right up to the youngest. Oh, and another important thing to note, our traditional clothes MUST have pockets with ample space. And for the girls, handbags, preferably . Why? Because while we're going around shaking hands and hugging our beloved we'll also receive small, flat packets filled with some money. Yup, I think for me personally this part is the part that most of the small kids will get excited about. Well, actually, not only the younger ones, even the older ones are in for it too. Who wouldn't? Extra pocket money for us? Hello.... But there's a downside to it though. Not like the chinese where you will have to give angpows only if you're married (am I right here?), for the malays the ones who are already in the workforce (i.e.earning an income) will have to set aside a small sum of their salary just to give out these "duit raya" to the younger and non-working/studying ones. Hehehe, like what my cousin said to me that day, "Alah, koyak lah poket camni kalau keluarga kita bertambah besar..." Well my dear, don't worry. In 3 years time I'll be contributing too, insyaallah. Hey, you know what, maybe we can pool our money and combine it to give to them. Whaddya think?

And after all the "I'm sorry for everything" session which would sometimes, or most of the time for my grandmother at least , be accompanied with the release of the tear flood gates (banjir, lah...), the guests would start coming to the house. You see, during the month of Syawal for us it's the time where we would visit our relatives, be it near or far "untuk mengeratkan tali silaturrahim". Sometimes it's the only chance for us to meet with our distant relatives and get to know them. And more food and hogging. Honestly, by the time we're done visiting for the day we would be so full that our clothes would start to feel a l'il bit tight in certain places . But being here during eid I do miss the traditional cakes and biscuits back home that are normally only available during eid. Best nya makan kuih raya.....

Oh well, all in all, that's the Eid celebration at home. And not forgetting also, we Malaysians celebrate Syawal for one whole month. So do expect to be invited to open houses hosted by family and friends, and that explains also why one needs more than 2 pairs of new clothes (for some people anyways) as they would get more invitations to these functions compared to others. But actually, how many is enough? Personally I've stopped buying new ones for me as I'm using my current ones over here. Nobody would know any differently, right? Ooppsss...shouldn't have let the cat out of the bag, now everyone would know. Silly me .....

EID MUBARAK !!

Gemini - Your Love Profile

2007-10-07T16:52:00.000+03:00

Your positive traits:
Your lively, outgoing attitude attracts people to you everywhere you go. You can talk your way into - and out of - any situation you desire. You're adaptable enough to flirt with anyone - and people tend to fight over you.

Your negative traits:
You get easily bored in relationships, and tend to jump from person to person. You tend to be a bit of a player - and have a high tolerance for drama in relationships. Not the most empathetic person, you tend to tell lovers to "get over" their problems.

Your ideal partner:
Is intelligent and quick witted enough to keep you interested. Is a bit of a shape shifter, providing you with the variety you crave. An open minded person, who's willing to have a non-traditional relationship.

Your dating style:
Exciting. If your date shows you a new experience (like Egyptian food or scuba diving), you're very happy.

Your seduction style:
Experimental: it's rare that you try the same thing twice. Ultra kinky - you do stuff that's not even in books yet. Hot and cold... sometimes you're just not into the whole sex thing.

Tips for the future:
Settle down a little. Sometimes good things come with time - so don't let people go so fast. Acknowledge that you're a player and flirt. If your mate can't live with this, find someone who can. Give your partner a little more attention. You don't have to be a social butterfly all the time.

Best color to attract mate: Sunny yellow

Best day for a date: Wednesday